This Wasn't Part of the Plan!
by Raiku.Nishimura
Summary: I know I'm a little scatter brained but this is ridiculous. I was walking home, pondering life and BAM I just land outside of Konoha? Well, I'm not giving up my dream of a quiet life just yet, Initiate Plan "Avoid the Plot"! But that little ball of sunshine named Naruto is just too sweet and... This may be harder than I thought. Rated T for language, undecided for romance.
1. Chapter 1

**IMPORTANT FOR THOSE WHO READ/FOLLOWED THIS STORY!**

* * *

So I already posted this story but I really didn't like some parts, enough so that I had trouble continuing the story and leaving them in... Anyway, cut to me just sucking it up and editing it.

The big changes are:

\- I condensed chapters, so now the chapters are longer but there are less of them

\- I changed it to be a better semi-self insert by rounding out my sorta-me character better. Before I just cut out some aspects that I thought were too personal and didn't replace them with anything, leaving a wishy-washy 2 dimensional character which is just insulting (to myself, she is based on me after all, and to you guys, for expecting you to identify with or even like my dangerously Mary Sue character).

Ok, onto the new(ish) story!

* * *

**Chapter 1**

* * *

Sometimes I can't help but notice how much of a spoilt baby I am. Oh sure, people call me responsible and sweet, but my internal bitchy-ness would surprise them. I swear 70% of my thoughts consist of swear words (though to be fair they do make up like a good portion of my spoken vocabulary too) and all of them are directed at other things and people.

This brings me to my current predicament. My computer wasn't working. _Well fuck this piece of crap. Useless shit, you have one job! I don't have time for your shit. God FUCKING damn it!_ I throw my hands up in frustration, and even though I really feel like screaming the profanities going through my mind I settle for a little huff of exasperation. _Wouldn't want to bother the dip-shits around me_, I think bitterly. Immediately my conscious pops up with thoughts like, _calm down, you're just frustrated _and_ you don't actually mean that._ I know that I'm just throwing a hissy fit, so I slow down my breathing that had started to come out in broken huffs and almost-snarls. I relaxed my muscles, and shoved my bitchy self to the corners of my consciousness, knowing it would retreat to some dark unreachable part of my psyche with time. _OK, time to problem solve._

My computer had started taking forever to complete commands for a couple minutes, but now it was practically frozen. I scanned my limited tech knowledge and came up with a couple ideas, first force quitting all my applications, then doing a software update. After a couple dozen minutes I was up and running again.

I've sigh in contentment and take a sip of my cappuccino. _ Good thing I learned to control myself, imagine what would have happened if I _had _freaked out back there. _I chuckle in amusement at the image of me jumping out of my chair screaming, with the horrified and confused gazes of the patrons and workers of the coffee shop as I dealt my verbal beating to my computer.

I don't know how long I sat just contemplating life, but after a while I went back to browsing the Internet and generally avoiding doing work.

After a couple hours of doing nothing particular I decided it was time to head back home for food (I was not willing to pay for an overpriced mediocre pastry). As I walked down the street I let my mind wander, trusting my feet to take me home.

I thought about who I was, and, as usual, I was disappointed with myself. I was introverted and had trouble being around other people, and could be pretty insensitive. But it's not like I _tried_ to ignore other people's feelings, I just _didn't notice_. At all. Maybe if I could just survive on my own, support the few people who cared about me a bit, it would all be OK, but the sad fact in this society is that being independent is impossible. We humans are naturally social creatures and those of us who don't socialize are persecuted and marginalized by society. You can't succeed on your own, without talking to others and trying to connect with your fellow man you are as good as dead. Where does that leave me, the classic "loner" who was about as naturally empathetic as a teaspoon, then? We were supposed be social creatures after all, and yet here I was, in all my oblivious glory. A true failure of a human being.

I frowned. Did it worry me that I thought I was a despicable human being? No, not particularly. Too much effort to hate myself, so I just accepted it. My grand plan in life was to find some way to make myself some money before retreating into the wild like a hermit, where I could make up for my bitchiness is some way or another.

My random thought process was interrupted by the sudden realization that something felt off about my body. I paused and directed my brainpower towards what was wrong. OK, my brain was telling me that I should be leaning to the left but by doing so my balance was being thrown off. Why did it want me leaning? Why do I usually… Oh shit, my computer case. My body had to lean the left to compensate for the weight, but since now it's gone…

OK, so now the question was, WHERE THE FUCK WAS MY COMPUTER CASE!

Since the weight had just suddenly disappeared and I remember putting it on my shoulder as I left someone must have taken it, recently. Now it was time to find that little fucker. I turned my internal concentration outwards and searched for the closest person who was… no one. I was completely alone. Ok, now I'm freaking out. What's so scary about being alone you ask? Oh, that wasn't what I was freaking out about, I was freaking out about the fact that I was alone, IN AN ENORMOUS FOREST!

* * *

My brain just stopped working. I honestly have no idea how long I was just standing there, it felt like a second but It could have been 5 minutes, just staring at where the concrete should be. I was good and problem solving, but at this moment I had no idea what to do.

What the fuck was going on? WHERE THE FUCK WAS I? The swearing was a good indication, but I felt myself start to get more and more hysteric. Before I went completely bat-shit insane, I spun around and sat at the roots of a tree.

_Okay, lets think this though_, I thought. I knew I was clinging to my familiar companion, Rationality, mostly for comfort but I allowed myself to indulge in my need for familiarity. Thinking rationally wasn't the worst thing I could want to do at this moment at all, it was actually the only sane thing I could do.

Option 1: I forgot a part of my day… week… Okay so I have no idea how long I could have been out of it. _Don't think too hard on that part, you'll only drive yourself crazy._

That didn't make too much sense for multiple reasons though. First off, I realized something was wrong because my computer case was stolen, which isn't a life event that would induce amnesia. Plus, I did a quick once over to double check, my clothes were just as fresh as they were in the coffee shop, my hair was exactly the same length and style and I didn't feel any different from when I left the café. Okay, so that isn't a very likely scenario.

Option 2: I was dreaming.

That's not possible. I can nearly always tell when I'm dreaming and this was most certainly not one. Plus, what would be the scenario if that were true? I just fell asleep while walking? Yeah right.

Option 3: I was dead.

Depressing... but unlikely. What could have killed me instantly, without feeling any pain? Nothing I can think of, but I'm not an expert in potential causes of death so I'll just keep that under "unlikely".

Option 4: I was so out of it I just kept walking till I reached a forest.

….

Okay that's too stupid to even contemplate. There are no forests around my house for miles, I don't feel tired and I've zoned out while walking countless times and always arrive at my destination. Plus, I've never seen a forest like this near my house…

Wait, the forest! I've never seen a forest like this EVER! It's _too_ perfect: The trees are almost perfect replicas of each other and their basically evenly spaced as far as I can see. Plus, the ground is perfectly flat and covered in _grass_. Grass _never_ covers a forest floor; It's always dirt, bushes and weeds or something. Hell, even the bushes look strategically placed. And those trees… I've only ever seen that type in parks or along streets, and those were way smaller than these. These trees were the size of redwoods… This place… There just _isn't_ a forest like this on earth.

So why do I feel like I know it? It feels so… not familiar exactly or else I would never have noticed something was off with it, but familiar enough that I didn't immediately see what was wrong.

I wouldn't feel that way if it was just the trees or the grass that was familiar, so I've seen this entire setup somewhere before…

But HOW? This forest just can't exist! It looks like it was _painted_ into existence!

Oh fuck. Not painted, no, it was _drawn_!

I know this forest! It looks like the forest outside of Konahagure! I felt myself start to panic. _Please let it just be some recreation for a live action movie, or for avid fans or, or _anything_ but what I think this is…. _

_No_, my (motherfucking stupidly rational) brain answered, _It's real_. I don't see any film crews or fans, I never heard of any project like this and I have no idea how I would get here, plus those trees are just too. Fucking. BIG!

So much for not panicking.

I wish I could say that I reacted in a semi-decent manner, but that would be false.

I completely flipped out.

For the sake pride I am not going to go into all the gory details, all I'm saying is that by the end of it, I was out of breath and had bloody knuckles from using the ground as a punching bag.

End. Of. Story.

We are going to erase that little episode from our minds and move on.

What I will say is _why_ I flipped out, despite the fact that I was an avid fan and otaku. I mean, I loved (good) OC inserts and was a complete Narutard, but that was only when I was on the _other_ side of the computer screen.

Reason 1: Ninjas are scary.

They're awesome on screen, but would you really want to meet one? They are inhumanly smart, fast, strong and durable. Basically this meant I had no way to defend myself at all. Hell, even a civilian here could beat me to a pulp. If a civilian child has the potential to become a ninja, then even civilians must be made of stronger stuff than us earthlings. I _hate_ being weak. I _hate_ being at the mercy of others.

This brings me to reason numero dos: I was an alien.

Physically and legally at least. I wasn't 100% sure how, but I knew that there must be some physiological differences between me and people here. So I really have to avoid medics and Hyugas or else I'm ending up a lab rat or in T&amp;I. Speaking of torture, since I have no identity or background I'm probably going to die. I do not exist anywhere within the ninja legal system so if anyone got to curious and tried to do a background check I wouldn't come up. Anywhere. Talk about suspicious. I mean the best I could hope for in that situation was that they killed me quickly, I don't think I could handle torture. I'm a weakling, OK?

Reason 3: I'm really, _really_ average. At everything.

No special talents over here. The only thing I exceled at was being lazy, I just milked the system for the maximum output while putting in the minimum effort. I was great at standardized tests because of test taking strategies and I could fill out forms like a pro, but was I particularly smart? No. Just methodical and organized when I needed to be. I got so good at it since I like to just laze around daydreaming too. Less time working, more time daydreaming. Hell, it isn't even really a talent.

But this world is not conductive to that mentality. There are no standardized tests or computer databases or bureaucratic work I can use to get by. This is a world for hard work and individuality.

I suck at hard work and individuality.

Last but definitely not least, reason 4: I don't speak Japanese.

No explanation need here, I think you all fully understand how royally fucked I am.

* * *

Now as I said before, I'm a Narutard. This means that I've read and pondered the story so much I already have a pretty solid plan for what to do in this situation. I have a solid plan (and a back up plan should it fail, but I _really_ don't want to resort to that. Or even think about it for that matter).

Henceforth, we shall call this plan: Plan "RUN THE FUCK AWAY!"

Plan RFA for short.

Basically, I'm avoiding any areas and people that I have ever heard off at all costs. Simple.

This means that I probably won't ever get home though. I'm still holding out in the hope that I'll just flash back into my home realm like alternate-dimension-Sakura did in that one episode; I still have a family back home after all. I purposely stop thinking about them and what they will think when I don't come home. Would they think I ran away? Would my sister – my perfect, loving, _twin_ – think I abandoned her? _Don't thing about it, don't think about it…_

As for not interfering with the plot… This world may loose some people along the way, people that if I got involved I might be able to save, but it ends all right. Plus, if I did get involved I could screw everyone over and make it a not-so-happy ending. Nope, rather live with the guilt that people died for the greater good than be directly responsible for the misery of an entire world.

Woah, did I just say "for the greater good"? Who the fuck do I think I am? I am not God (or Dumbledore)! I can't go around thinking that I am omnipresent or go around manipulating events with my knowledge. That's like 20 different kinds of fucked up. Got to keep that in mind before I go all Tobi on everyone.

Plan RFA in mind I get up and start to walk away from Ko.. no… ha….

…

Wait, which direction is Konoha again?

Oh fuck, I have no idea. And isn't the Land of Fire completely covered in forests?

So basically I'm totally lost and have no way to figure out where I am. Can't exactly ask for directions or read a signpost, can I?

Maybe I should climb a tree? It's unlikely but I might see some landmark I recognize.

I study the trees near me and choose one that has a slightly less smooth bark. It's surprisingly easy to climb. _Well I was a half monkey when I was younger. _I give a silent cheer for muscle memory.

My luck continues to hold. When I get to the top of the tree I see a walled village and mountain with faces carved into it about a mile or so from my perch. Grinning to myself I clamber down and march in the opposite direction.

Looks like this day might be looking up. I may be royally screwed, but I got a plan and it's working…

Last thing I saw before I fell unconscious was a flash of black and a white animal mask.

I just had to jinx myself, didn't I?


	2. Chapter 2

**IMPORTANT FOR THOSE WHO READ/FOLLOWED THIS STORY!**

* * *

So I already posted this story but I really didn't like some parts, enough so that I had trouble continuing the story and leaving them in... Anyway, cut to me just sucking it up and editing it.

The big changes are:

\- I condensed chapters, so now the chapters are longer but there are less of them (except for this one, I couldn't incorporate it into another chapter easily so it's basically the same

\- I changed it to be a better semi-self insert by rounding out my sorta-me character better. Before I just cut out some aspects that I thought were too personal and didn't replace them with anything, leaving a wishy-washy 2 dimensional character which is just insulting (to myself, she is based on me after all, and to you guys, for expecting you to identify with or even like my dangerously Mary Sue character).

Ok, onto the new(ish) story!

* * *

**Chapter 2**

* * *

When I felt myself start to wake up, I forced my mind to remain in dreamland. Another of my weird abilities with sleep, like how I can always tell when I'm dreaming. The best way I can describe it is that dreams have a distinct feeling. I'm lighter, colors are fluid and, weirdly enough, I loose my peripheral vision in them. No logic in that, but whatever. Also, while dreams are usually a passive experience, relaxing and such, I can always control them. I usually control what I dream about by concentrating on an idea before I sleep, but sometimes my dreams don't listen to that subtle suggestion. I usually leave them be in that case, but if it starts to venture into nightmare territory I can force my dream into a different direction or, if it's bad enough, force myself awake. I don't do it often though since I don't always feel as well rested afterwards. I assume it's cause you shouldn't force your consciousness into your subconscious but I really don't know. Maybe I can do it cause I daydream all the time… It's like I work out my dreaming muscles so I can do more while dreaming… hehe, dreaming muscles…

Wait what was I talking about again?

Oh right, half asleep right now. Nifty trick, I have to say. Use it all the time: it allows me to perform basic tasks, even talk, without really waking up. This means I can get right back to sleep in a second. Literally.

Wait, I was doing this for a reason… Damn it that's the problem with this state: I'm still sorta asleep and can't force myself to concentrate. If I do, I'll wake up, and we can't have that since…

Right, got kidnaped by Anbu.

That thought nearly jolted me awake, but I held onto my half aware state tooth and nail till I managed to calm down. No need to force concentration now, my subconscious _wanted_ to "dream" about this problem. Rather nice of it, sometimes it does that and I wake up knowing how to solve a math problem or something I didn't know before I went to sleep…

ANBU! KIDNAPED! WOULD CONCENTRATE A LITTLE, STUPID BRAIN?

Okay, first off, where was I?

My senses are slightly… I guess _blurred_ would be the best way to describe it, but they were working. I couldn't see, obviously, so I first concentrated on touch. It was weird, like I was brushing up against something with a hand that had fallen asleep, but I could feel out some basic facts about my position

I'm… not moving… and a little stiff… not too much though… couldn't have been in this position very long then… am I laying down? No, the pressure isn't equal everywhere on my body so I'm sitting down… no, not quite... I can too much pressure on my shoulders… So I'm reclined, like in a dentist chair when they're cleaning your teeth…

Not a particularly ominous position, that's good right?

The chair is really hard though… definitely not padded anywhere… which is weird for a reclining chair…

Okay, that's a little more ominous…

It's really cold here too… slightly damp too… was that a drop of water?

Am I underground? Yeah… definitely heard an echo after that drop…

Okay, so now I'm scared.

Smell! What can I smell?

Nothing too strong, but that's not saying much… wait, sharp… like spear mint or rain…. Metallic? Yeah, it's faint but definitely metallic…

I'm going to be optimistic here and say that it's from pipes, not blood… or torture devices… I had to suppress a shiver at the thought. Like I said: Not cut out for torture.

Definitely smelling water too though… but I already knew that when I heard the drop…

What can I hear though… just the dripping… not very useful…

Anything else?

….

No, I can't feel anything else…

Should I wake up now?

No… I should just wait for someone to come… get more info from them…

* * *

I'm not sure how long I waited, and I'm pretty sure I dozed for a couple moments but I can't say for certain. All I knew I was less stiff than before… OK, I sure as hell don't remember moving… Definitely fell asleep then. _Damn, I'm loosing track of time a lot lately_, I grumbled to myself internally.

Then I heard something: footsteps.

I'm not sure whether is should be scared or happy that I have something to do…

"Kanojo wa mada okite iru?"

_"…__She… Wake…"_

The fuck was that?

I know I just heard Japanese…. so how did I understand those words?

"Ie, mada. Taka, kuma ya kumo ga de kanojo o motarashitanode, kanojo wa, rogu no yō ni dete kida."

_"__No… yet. She… out… since… spider brought… in."_

I have my weird half-awake state to thank for the fact that I wasn't freaking out. Weird things happen all the times in dreams, so how was suddenly understanding a new language and different?

The two voiced continued to chat and as I listened I slowly started to understand more and more of what was being said.

I really haven't appreciated this mental state enough… Should have listened to language tapes like this… would have been a fucking genius… Or maybe it's not the half awake state? Maybe whatever weird mojo brought me to the elemental nations is doing it.

Well, there's only one way to find out: wake up and see if I'll still learn Japanese.

Now I was dreaming, but I'm not _stupid_. No way in hell was I risking this.

After what sounded like a game of cards, though what game I'm not sure… So _not_ important at the moment here… there was some frantic shuffling. _What's going on?_ I wondered.

The answer came in the form of some _extremely_ ominous footsteps. It sounded like a small Cyclops was strolling up to me and I barely kept my cool. Sure as hell didn't want Mr. Cyclops knowing I was awake, after all.

"What's the status on the prisoner?" a deep voice growled.

_Oh sweet baby Jesus, that's one terrifying voice._

"Stable, no changes since capture," a slightly nervous voice immediately responded. _Someone shouldn't have been goofing off on the job_ I internally cackled at my captor's predicament.

"Hn," Mr. Cyclops grunted, before I heard a metallic clang. _So that's the metal I'm smelling…_ My thought was abruptly cut off by the fact that HE WAS COMING CLOSER TO ME.

_Oh no, fuck no, stay away from me or I swear to got I'll fucking kill you Cyclops man! Gahhhhh stop it right now!_

The footsteps stopped a couple feet off to my left. _Oh praise the lord!_ I'm so going to hell for all this religious swearing but I can't bring myself to care, I'm not even Christian why do I do…

"Well, that's not exactly true is it? Our little visitor is awake."

Oh shit.

* * *

Author's Note:

THIS IS MY FIRST STORY! Yay for me! I've been reading OC inserts and the like for a while but decided to try one of my own. So here you go: a semi self-insert by my amazing self!

JK, but I do have a question for you all

Romance? I think it's pretty obvious from my OC's personality that romance really isn't on her mind very much, so if it does happen it's going to be waaaaayyyyy later in the story. But if "no" on romance... well then, problem solved.

If yes on romance though: Who? You might have guessed from the summary but Naruto &amp; Co. are going to be WAY too young so don't go suggesting one of them. My OC will not be a pedo, thank you very much.

OK, well that's it for this author's note...

WAIT!

THANK YOU grandprincessanastariaromanov5 FOR THE REVIEW! (kinda way more excited than I should be, but hey, it's my first review, cut me some slack)

OK, now I'm done.


	3. Chapter 3

**IMPORTANT FOR THOSE WHO READ/FOLLOWED THIS STORY!**

* * *

So I already posted this story but I really didn't like some parts, enough so that I had trouble continuing the story and leaving them in... Anyway, cut to me just sucking it up and editing it.

The big changes are:

\- I condensed chapters, so now the chapters are longer but there are less of them

\- I changed it to be a better semi-self insert by rounding out my sorta-me character better. Before I just cut out some aspects that I thought were too personal and didn't replace them with anything, leaving a wishy-washy 2 dimensional character which is just insulting (to myself, she is based on me after all, and to you guys, for expecting you to identify with or even like my dangerously Mary Sue character).

Ok, onto the new(ish) story!

* * *

**Chapter 3**

* * *

Quick summary of my current predicament: I'm in an underground cell and I'm surrounded 3, possible more (you never know, they're sneaky like that), ninjas, including one that is currently looming over me and scaring me shitless.

What's a girl to do?

"You called?" Shit. I didn't mean to say that.

Well, damage is done, no use pretending I'm not awake. I open my eyes and focus on the face of hulking man, who was currently sporting quite the bloodthirsty smirk. He had one dull blue eye (his other one was covered by his hitai, a la Kakashi, so apparently this guy really was a Cyclops) and a buzz cut that showed off 3 scars that went from his temple, over his ear and down under the collar of T&amp;I uniform.

Nope, not ringing any bells.

I have no idea who this guy is.

This was a good and a bad thing. Good because I didn't show even the slightest hint of recognizing him, which would have been suspicious, and bad because I had no idea what this guy could do.

Was he sadistic? Was he a genius at reading body language? Was he a torture expert? WHAT CAN HE DO?

Wait, what _is_ he doing?

He was just staring at me with that stupid (and terrifying) grin of his, like someone would eye an apple before taking the first bite.

There was a slight pause before he said, to no one in particular, "I'm going to _enjoy_ breaking this one."

_Oh shit._

"No need to get violent, buddy," I quickly responded, before I could ponder the implications of that statement, "I'm perfectly willing to talk. I actually have some important information for you."

"Oh? And what is that?" He asked, his smirk getting wider.

As soon as I saw the tint of smugness in that predatory grin I realized what was going on; what had been going on since that guy entered the room.

He was releasing killing intent.

He thought he was _scaring_ me into talking.

I hadn't put it together while I was half awake, but it explained everything. _That's_ why I was so scared. I mean, I may not be cut out for torture but I'm sure as hell not such wimp that I'd be terrified by footsteps, for God's sake.

As I mentioned before, I've got two settings: neutral and mad-as-hell.

Currently, I was furious.

I was pissed at myself, for being so stupid, and at my interrogator, for thinking he could scare me. I wouldn't be surprised if steam was coming out of my ears right now, it felt like I was I had a raging fire in my chest just waiting to jump out and _burn_. Luckily, the tiniest portion of my brain that was not filled with angry retorts cautioned me against attacking, verbally or otherwise, this T&amp;I interrogator. It was stupid, I knew that, but I was _angry_ and this fury needed to be dealt with. Instead of taking it out on someone else, I kept it inside. This whole process happed in a fraction of a second, since it's an automatic response I have to keep my temper in check, and I doubt my neutral façade showed any signs of the fury simmering inside.

I noticed that I wasn't scared anymore. This man, no matter how huge, didn't terrify me just by being present. The anger must be keeping the oppressive killing intent at bay for me.

Ah, the perks of being pissed.

Despite this, I still had my self-preservation instincts and I knew that I should probably respond. Now. Before he thinks I'm disrespecting him or something.

"I said _important_ information, as in, for the Hokage's ears only," I retorted (with minimal amounts of snarky-ness, thank God. I don't need to give this guy any reason to get all sadistic-Ibiki on me).

"Oh," He said, his eyes widening in an exaggerated version of surprise, "Why, then I should just untie you and right to him, shouldn't I?"

I grit my teeth at his blatant sarcasm. Great, now I'm being sassed. This guy is really making it hard not to spit in his face.

"You do realize I know you were walking away from Konoha when you were captured," He said with a mocking tone, "So tell me, if you had such important information for the Hokage why weren't you trying to find him?"

Well, I should have seen this coming.

Here goes nothing, time to implement my highly risky and problematic plan.

Oh, I did mention my back up plan, right? Well, it's for any situation where I have found myself stuck, for whatever reason, in Konoha.

Welcome to Plan "Avoid Plot".

Step one: Get a meeting with the Hokage.

Easier said than done, but I had a method in mind.

It's called complete and total honesty.

It may sound stupid at first, but think about it. Ninja's are trained to find deception and detect even the subtlest of lies. I _might_ be able to get away with one… if I had a solid lie prepared before hand and I wasn't being scrutinized, but this was not the case. I couldn't even tell Mr. Cyclops half-truths if I want to get to see the Hokage. Once he detected a lie, I lost all my credibility and whatever small chance I had at getting this plan to work.

"Self preservation," I stated simply, "I wasn't joking when I said this information is important, important enough that plenty of people would be willing to do some pretty terrible things to be to get it. I didn't come to Konoha because I wanted to just lie low and hope no one figured out I knew something. I'm not particularly brave, but I guess telling the Hokage is the only option I have left."

Looking into his eyes I couldn't feel anything besides sadistic glee. This guy either had a very good poker face or really, _really_ fucked up.

I'm hoping it's the former.

"Look, I don't have ulterior motive here, I can see that my stay will be very painful if so much as _look_ at the Hokage the wrong way and I am _not_ suicidal. Do whatever you need to do to make sure I can't hurt anyone if you want, but I need to talk to the Hokage."

His smirk only grew wider.

"For a coward, you sure are very insistent on not giving this information to the wrong people."

"I'm not completely heartless, thank you very much. I don't want to hurt people if I can help it," I snapped, unable to keep the indignation out of my voice. I'm careful, _not_ a fucking _coward_.

"You're a very… _interesting_ girl," he purred, his grin becoming slightly predatory, before abruptly standing up and strolling to the door.

"Watch her," he growled to the guards, "_Properly_, this time. We don't want our little visitor running off before we've had our fun."

Ok, I'm _so_ gonna kill this guy.

Or run away screaming.

Fight or flight response is a little screwed up at the moment, apparently. Guess that's why people freeze when confronted with killing intent: their self-preservation is all out of whack.

Well, that meeting didn't go as well as I'd hoped. He didn't seem even slightly swayed by my offer. He'll be back though, so I guess I'll just try again.

I sat in my dentist chair from hell for maybe about two hours or so, but I'm not great at telling time without a watch. The two guards, who I nicknamed Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, just glared at me the entire time. I think they were blaming me for that little dig Mr. Cyclops made on his way out about watching me. Seriously, how was it _my_ fault they got caught slacking on the job? It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you shouldn't plays cards when on guard duty. Common sense guys.

But I wasn't really one to talk, since somehow I managed to overlook a pretty huge problem.

My clothes were gone.

Wait! That sounded wrong, what I meant was I wasn't in _my_ clothes, I was in what I assume to be the Konoha prison uniform.

I'm not sure if I had anything particularly incriminating on me. Luckily my cell was in my computer bag that disappeared (Never thought I'd be grateful for loosing two extremely expensive apple products, but right now really don't want to fuck up the entire future of this world by giving them access to advanced tech they shouldn't have). Hopefully whatever took my electronics also took the other stuff I had that screamed "I AM FROM A TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED DIMENSION AND I KNOW THE FUTURE OF YOUR WORLD"

Besides realizing that my attire had changed I was doing something very important for my continued survival.

Calming the fuck down.

I have no idea how I didn't end up being tortured after my little sass-attack back there, but I can't risk my neck because I'm too nervous to think before I speak. The Japanese were a polite bunch of people and I do _not_ want to insult them. They were ninja. They would kill me.

So, as my interrogator was off doing God knows what, I tried to calm myself down. After those two hours of deep breaths, calming thoughts and a mental review of what I knew about Japanese manners (which wasn't as much as I would have liked, but hopefully enough to get by) I was semi prepared for the return of Mr. Cyclops.

I was not prepared for his entourage.

A group of Anbu operatives were following him as he returned.

I was thinking this way too much but… Oh shit.

* * *

Mr. Cyclops (I really should get a new name for this guy, I have a (slightly irrational) fear that this he's going to figure out my nickname for him) obviously thought my reaction was amusing since his face split into a grin that would make the Cheshire cat jealous. I wasn't particularly bothered by this display of sadistic pleasure; I'd rather he be in a good mood from that display of discomfort rather than improve his mood by implementing the discomfort some other way.

Just to be clear, I'm not being paranoid when I talk about the sadistic potential Mr. Cyclops had. I was _reasonably_ wary of T&amp;I ninja since they were, by definition, users of even more bloody and painful methods than the average ninja could withstand. They were a group of ninja that were more than a little fucked up in the head, and that's saying something since there are a quite a few of sadistic and insane non-interrogation ninja that I knew of. So not wanting to annoy this guy was a completely sane reaction.

"So we meet again, little bird," He purred. I bristled at the completely inaccurate pet name (I was 5'8" and was by no means delicate looking) but kept my mouth shut "We're going to go on a little field trip."

Wait, what?

My shock must have shown, but he didn't elaborate. The Anbu entered the cell as he stood outside. They unstrapped me from the chair and bound my wrists and ankles (thankfully leaving enough room that I could walk, I didn't like the idea of being tossed over someone's should like a sack of potatoes) with practiced efficiency before one, with the mask of some sort of rodent, pressed a piece of paper with some sort of seal on it to my stomach. While to this point the whole process was painless, probably because I wasn't resisting, as soon as the seal touched me I nearly crumpled to the ground.

I tried to keep quiet, but I couldn't keep myself from letting out a hiss of pain. It was like my joints were cracking into a million pieces and my muscles were being burned off the bone with a blowtorch. My skin itched and felt as if it had been dipped in lead it was so stiff and heavy. My lungs were working, but it felt like I was inhaling car fumes and my throat and eyes burned like they had chlorine coating them.

Thankfully, just as fast as it hit me the pain started to lessen. It wasn't a pleasant feeling by any stretch of the imagination, but I didn't feel as if I was being dipped in acid and crushed under concrete at the same time. I managed to stay upright thanks to the Anbu that were holding my bound arms, and so I when the pain was equal to what I felt when halfway through a long cross-country race I was able to support my own weight without too much effort.

They must have noticed my little episode, but no one said anything about it. They just lead me out of the cell and down a dank hallway.

I didn't have a clue where they were taking me, so I couldn't really plan for anything in specific. All I knew was that I was going to be honest and keep asking for the Hokage. With that in mind, I decided to try to focus on my surroundings.

There were a total of 4 Anbu surrounding me from what I could tell (again, ninjas are sneaky so who knows if there were more). I couldn't hear Cyclops, but I assumed he was somewhere behind me since he said that "_We're_ going on a fieldtrip," not "_You're_". There was one female Anbu with a blond pixie cut (she was rodent mask that put the god-damned seal on my stomach) and 3 male Anbu. One was a sort of bird and the other two had a canine/feline style mask (hard to tell what animal in specific since the masks weren't painted in much detail). Besides the masks, their hair was the only thing that could differentiate them: the bird had long, spiky brown hair and one canine-ish mask had extremely short red hair while the other had shoulder length black hair in a high ponytail.

None of them matched any of the hairstyles of any characters I knew, so the whole observation was rather useless in the end. I still felt better having done the observation, just having information made me feel a little more in control.

They led me up the staircase and suddenly we weren't in dank tunnels anymore.

I stumbled a bit, surprise by the sudden change in lighting.

I studied my new surroundings and recognized it immediately. I was walking down a slightly curved hallway with green carpeting with a wooden celling. The bottom half of the walls were painted a pale tannish-orange and the top half was made up purple tinted wood planks that were perpendicular to the floor.

This was the hallway outside of the Hokage's office.

Wait, did this mean they actually believed me? Were they taking me to the Hokage?

Well, we could be headed somewhere else… but where else? This building also houses the missions desk and the academy is right next door, but I can't think why they would take me to either of those.

So I'm going to meet the Hokage.

Holly fuck, I'm going to meet the Hokage!

Which Hokage though? Shit, now that I know where I am I should probably figure out when this is.

Since this building is still standing I can assume its before Pein attacks… Or way, way after when they've already rebuilt…

Wait! I saw the Hokage Mountain from the treetops before I was captured, and there were (I concentrated on the brief memory, counting 1, 2, 3…) 4 faces on it.

So, looks like I have a meeting with the Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen or the Yondaime Hokage, Namikaze Minato.

As much as I'd like to pretend otherwise, part of me was ecstatic. I mean, this meant that I could meet all the characters and… _NO! You are not allowed to do that!_ I berated myself mentally for my selfishness,_ This isn't good news, it's bad news! Now you have the option of fucking up the timeline so you are not allowed to speak with – Scratch, that, If you so much as_ look_ at them for too long…_ My internal rant was cut short when my little parade skidded to a halt without warning.

Startled by the abrupt stop, I looked up and… Barely contained a snicker.

The entire hallway was plastered with photos of scantily clad women, most likely from magazines I theorized thanks if the logos in the corner of every image. But that wasn't the funniest part. The funniest part was that every woman's head had been replaced with the smirking, wrinkly visage of Sarutobi Hiruzen.

I bit the inside of my cheek to try and hide my smile, but the childish giggles I was hearing down the hallway were not helping. I saw a pile of posters and the glue covered feet of a child, but the rest of the body was hidden behind the curve of hallway. It seems like the prankster was still in the process of putting up the posters.

_Oh my god. This is pure genius._

I heard some vague muttering from Cyclops about "that damn demon child", so some part of my brain was able to make the connection to which area of the timeline I was in, but most my brainpower was concentrated on a mantra I was desperately chanting inside my head: _Don't smile – Don't laugh – It's not funny – Don't smile – Don't laugh – It's not funny…_ My entire body was shaking slightly from holding my laugh in, but I managed to stay strong.

Then, as if some trickster god was just trying to break my self-control, a poster detached from the ceiling and fluttered down right in front of my face. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the little feet step out from behind the wall, but my eyes were focused on the poster. It was falling in that weird way paper does, by slicing back and forth through the air, but just as it was eye level with me it hit an air current that made the poster curve towards me, so that Sarutobi's assets brushed my nose before falling to my feet.

A few barely contained chuckles escaped as my self-control crumbled.

I burst out laughing.

I couldn't stop; even with the small amount of killing intent someone was radiating did nothing to halt my laughing fit. My eyes were squinted and tearing up I was laughing so hard.

I heard the a couple yells and the sound of a chase headed towards us, but didn't really pay much attention.

At the same time my laughing fit mellowed out and I was able to gasp out exactly what I was thinking, "Pure … _Genius_."

My cheeks were hurting from smiling, but I was finally able to open my eyes briefly, in the hopes of feasting my eyes on this amazing prank some more. Instead my eyes were met with two laughing cerulean blue eyes and a mop of blond hair as it sped past me.

Only when the boy was past me did I make the connection.

I just met Uzumaki Naruto.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Just going to repost this since most people don't read all the ANs sooo...

Romance? I think it's pretty obvious from my OC's personality that romance really isn't on her mind very much, so if it does happen it's going to be waaaaayyyyy later in the story. But if "no" on romance... well then, problem solved.

If yes on romance though: Who? You might have guessed from the summary but Naruto &amp; Co. are going to be WAY too young so don't go suggesting one of them. My OC will not be a pedo, thank you very much.


	4. Chapter 4

**IMPORTANT FOR THOSE WHO READ/FOLLOWED THIS STORY!**

* * *

So I already posted this story but I really didn't like some parts, enough so that I had trouble continuing the story and leaving them in... Anyway, cut to me just sucking it up and editing it.

The big changes are:

\- I condensed chapters, so now the chapters are longer but there are less of them

\- I changed it to be a better semi-self insert by rounding out my sorta-me character better. Before I just cut out some aspects that I thought were too personal and didn't replace them with anything, leaving a wishy-washy 2 dimensional character which is just insulting (to myself, she is based on me after all, and to you guys, for expecting you to identify with or even like my dangerously Mary Sue character).

Ok, onto the new(ish) story!

* * *

**Chapter 4**

* * *

The smile froze and my eyes widened comically from shock.

That was Uzumaki Naruto.

That was UZUMAKI NARUTO!

THAT WAS UZUMAKI NARUTO! HOLY SHIT!

…

God fucking damn it, which divine entity was making my life so hard? My trickster god theory was becoming more and more plausible. Or maybe it's that asshole that Hidan worships, Jashine. Yeah, probably the god that feeds of human suffering and death.

Think I'm being melodramatic? I'm not, I swear, all these curveballs aren't appreciated. I'm a planner; I always figure out the easiest and safest route in life and I'm very careful and thorough when making decisions. I'm no Shikamaru though, I can't figure out a thousand backup plans for my backup plans in a couple seconds, nor were my plans full proof or very detailed. For example: my plan to snag a meeting with the Hokage. I had some basic guidelines in place and a goal in mind, but I didn't have every word and movement planed out ahead.

Also, as I said before, I had pondered quite a few situations involving being in the elemental nations, and this was by far the least ideal one I came up with.

Why? Well it's simple: I absolutely adore little Naruto. He's sweet, loyal and just about the cutest little kid you could ever come across. I've always wanted to just run up to him and give him a hug and have had the overwhelming urge to jump inside the computer screen and throttle every asshole villager who hurt him, multiple times too.

Problem is, my plan relies on me slipping completely under the radar of every plot relevant character (and as many non-relevant characters too, I really don't want to screw everything up by starting a butterfly affect).

Result:

1\. If I run into him, I'll have to be cruel to him like all the other villagers (which I already just screwed up by calling his prank "pure genius").

And, perhaps most importantly:

2\. I cannot, under any circumstance, give Naruto a hug.

As much as I like to pretend I'm the epitome of self-control, I don't know if I can restrain myself.

A sharp tug on my arms yanked me out of my frantic thoughts and I barely managed to not crumple to the ground. My joints and muscles still hurt like a bitch, making me even less graceful than before, which is saying something since it's not uncommon for me to randomly loose control of my feet and stumble into things. I'm not a klutz! I just get too wrapped up in thought and my body will forget to walk properly… God damn it! Now I sound like an airhead.

Again, my captors showed no outward sign of noticing my clumsiness or my bizarre reaction to seeing Nartuto (I sort of felt like banging my head against a wall when I realized how fucking obvious I'd been. There's no way they didn't notice that). They simply led me forward, through the hallway of naked Hiruzens.

That cheered me up a bit. I let my eyes roam all over the hallway and smirked.

Still hilarious.

The posters only covered about two or three yards of hallway (though those yards were chock full of posters), so we quickly passed through the mayhem and continued down the hallway till two shinobi came into view. They were standing alert on either side of a plain wooden door and my heart started to hammer in my chest when I felt my captors steer me towards it.

I was a few feet away from the Hokage's Office.

No one spoke for a second, then one of the door guards turned and knocked on the door saying, "Hokage-sama, she's here."

"Come in," came the distinctive rumbling voice of Sarutobi Hiruzen.

The door was held open by the same guard that knocked, and our little prisoner party marched in to the office.

My eyes immediately scanned the room, noting the documents, bookcases and scrolls laying around the office, before zooming in on the Hokage himself.

He looked like the cartoon version of him come to life; The same spiky little goatee and the wrinkling face with two age spots under one eye. His Hokage hat was perched perfectly on his head, so that his hair was covered but his plain brown eyes could peer at the world unhindered. He did not, however, have a genial, sweet old man smile on his face. No, at the moment he had a hostile glint in his eye as he studied me over his clasped hands.

He scrutinized me in a way that would most people fidgeting, (if not quaking in their boots, he looked _pissed_) but I brushed off the urge easily. I was beyond apathetic to other's opinions (side effect of rarely noticing what people felt in general, I think): I only briefly considered other's opinions of myself occasionally, and never really put much stock in them. I wasn't a great person by any stretch of the imagination, but I sure as hell don't give a fuck what some old fuddy-duddy thought about it, even if he was the Hokage. So instead of pissing my pants, I studied him back, trying to get a read on him and failing rather miserably. I caught a flash of something on his face, but I couldn't tell if it was surprise, thoughtfulness or annoyance. I knew that my reaction had sparked something, made him make some decision about me, but I couldn't tell exactly what.

Abruptly, he broke eye contact and nodded to the guards, who plopped me into a chair that one of them magically found and shoved under my ass. I grit my teeth as it hit my already aching knees harshly and let out at "oomph!" when my tailbone slammed into the unpadded seat. _Thanks a lot, assholes!_ I managed to catch the eye of Mr. Cyclops, who had moved into view sometime during the shoving and glared as he grinned like a cat that got the cream. Dude was seriously fucked up.

I turned back to look at the Hokage, but he was looking at the group of Anbu surrounding me.

"Leave us," He commanded quietly.

I couldn't conceal my surprise at that comment. How the hell was everything working out so perfectly? Was this some trick? Maybe this isn't actually the Hokage… Maybe this is a genjutsu! Maybe they just moved me to another interrogation room and the person in front of me was actually just some smug T&amp;I interrogator.

I should test him, ask him a question or two that he and very few other people could answer. But what to ask… a few ideas pop into my head but I didn't have time to think them through now.

"So," he says, staring at me even more intently than before, "I hear you have some information for me."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," The honorific sounds weird, as does the entire language since while I can speak I can tell my accent is slightly off, but I continue on regardless, "but I need to ask you a couple questions first. I mean no disrespect, but this whole situation seems way too ideal, I just want to make sure I'm not under some genjutsu or some other ninja trick."

I give a small self-deprecating smile to show that really, I'm being perfectly polite here so there's no need to shove a kunai in my throat, and he just gives a slight nod before saying, "If you wish, but I won't promise that I'll answer."

"I understand," I reassure him quickly, "I warn you though, my questions might be a bit… odd, coming from me."

He raises an eyebrow slightly at that, but nods his consent anyway.

"What was the last thing the Nidaime said to Danzo Shimura?"

"How would you know the answer to that?" He asked tersely. Obviously not the best question to start with, if his intimidating stare is anything to go by.

"I said they would be odd questions," seeing something that looked uncomfortably close to annoyance of his face I quickly continued, "I'll explain everything once I'm done, in as much detail and as many times as you want, Hokage-sama, but I can't trust you with the story until you answer enough questions that I can be reasonably sure that it's really you I'm talking to. You don't have to answer this one if you don't want, I'll think up another…"

He shook his head to stop me as said, "No, no, it's fine, I'll answer. Though I'll admit you've made me quite curious as too what that story of yours is."

I smile slightly and say, "It's quite a story."

"I'm sure," he says, a slight quirk in his lip, "He told Danzo he took to long to make the decision, and to look at himself rationally to understand himself."

I nod, that's what I remember happening.

"Next question," This was a bit of a stretch, since I'm not 100% sure I've got the timing right, but it was detailed enough and specific enough that it would narrow it down to a few people who knew the answer to both questions.

"What are Tenzo's and Kinoe's rare abilities?"

The Hokage narrowed his eyes at me with suspicion.

"I'll explain later," I remind him.

He doesn't respond immediately, but eventually says, "Tenzo and Kinoe are the same person. He has the Shodai Hokage's wood release."

I nod, eager to get this whole situation over with. Hiruzen is looking less and less pleased with me. The next question is also a bit of a stretch, but pretty sure the Hokage should know the answer to it. If I'm right, he should be one of two people who do.

"Last one. Namikaze Minato left a scroll for Jiraiya, one that Jiraiya keeps in a sealing-frog-thing in his stomach… Not exactly sure how it works," I explain quickly, before finishing up with the question, "What is it for? Specifically."

Now if I thought the Hokage looked mad before, he looks positively livid now and I fight the urge to shrink back in fear. I have never seen anything quite so terrifying as a pissed off Kage, and I _never_ want to see one again.

"How," He ground out, "could you possible know about _that_? Only Jiraiya and I know that scroll even exists… No more games, who do you work for? Who's your informant?"

Oh shit.

"No one! I don't work for anyone! I swear!" I'm starting to ramble but I really could care less at the moment, "I asked it for the same reason you said – nobody but you could answer all of the questions – so if you answer this I'll tell you everything!"

He doesn't look even slightly pacified by me answer and growls out his response, "If you tell me everything, immediately after I answer, I won't hesitate to have you eliminated."

Eliminated? Oh god, he's going to kill me if I… Oh god.

"Right, definitely going to tell you everything once you –"

He cuts me off wit a violent jerk of his hand, "I know, you've said that already. I'll answer. The scroll has a seal on it that will loosen the containment seal on the Kyubi Jinchūriki. Now tell. Me. _Everything_."

I respond immediately, not even letting a second go by. He is so beyond pissed right now, he's practically – no, he _is_ – homicidal.

"I'm not from this dimension. In my world there is a series, a manga and anime, called "Naruto" that is extremely popular and, as you might have guessed from the name, it tells the story of Naruto Uzu… I mean Uzumaki Naruto. I watched the series and so I know nearly everything that happens in the next… fifteen-ish years? And I know some background and history since it was relevant to the plot and so the author explained it, all of what I just asked you was in it. Like the story of Danzo, that was shown to flesh out his character during the Kage Summit arc. And the bit about Tenzo, that was explained when he, going by the code name Captain Yamato, was a replacement sensei for Naruto's team since he could control the Kyubi if it got out of hand. The last bit was explained to Naruto, or will be explained to since it's in the future for us, by Jiraiya when he's training Naruto to use the Kyubi's chakra… Aaaaannnd I'm rambling here so I'm just going to stop and let that sink in."

I pause, sucking in a breath as I waited and watched for his reaction. Damn, it'd been a long time since I'd gotten that nervous and boy did it show. That little monologue wasn't thought out in the slightest, and oh god my grammar sucked…

I shove that train of thought out of my mind; I had more important things to deal with at the moment.

Hiruzen was still keeping his Kage-poker face on, but slight twitches in his face and eyes showed him switching from shock to disbelief to suspicion and back to shock all over again.

"I… wasn't expecting that," he finally said.

"Neither was I," I grumble.

At his silent question I elaborated, explaining how I'd been walking home and just randomly appeared in the forest, leaving nothing out. He asked a few questions, like how I didn't know I just lost my memory, and I answered as truthfully as possible. I outlined the extent of my knowledge without giving away what happens in the future, and didn't hide my origins in any way, like by saying I was an oracle or something like that.

Honestly, I never understood why OCs would lie in fanfiction by saying they were oracles. Unless it was a rebirth fic, being an oracle was actually _less_ believable than being a dimensional traveler. Ninja's were already aware there were alternate dimensions, they have a whole branch of jutsu called "Space-Time Jutsu" for that _and_ they had the dimensions used by summons. But oracles and fortunetellers? Everyone, from both earth and the elemental nations, knew they were totally bogus. Plus, with their super-ninja senses they probably could verify that you weren't being entirely truthful with them. So, by telling the truth I seemed more trustworthy so they are more likely to believe me. I could ask for something – that I _really_ want – but more on that later, I still had to talk with the Hokage.

"So, Hokage-sama" I asked nervously, "Do you, uh, believe me?"

He looked me with mild amusement and nods, "I do, I already suspected something very far fetched when I called you in here, though it was more along the lines of an explorer from somewhere far off, not and adventurer from another dimension."

"Wait, you already suspected? How?"

Was I really that unsubtle?

"There were a couple things that were particularly odd. The first being your shoes; I've never seen anything like them despite there being machine made and having a brand and size marking, which would mean there are many more of the same kind out there. Your clothes were the same, machine made with brand and size markings except the style and material of your pants are completely unique."

I think of what I had been wearing: black Doc Martins, plain skinny jeans and a comfortable but flattering baggy grey knit sweater… Yeah not exactly a ninja outfit. But still, they figured me out because I was wearing closed toed shoes? Wow.

"On top of that you look very different," He finished.

"How do I…"

I imagine my face and compare it to the ones I've seen here (a whopping grand total of _two_, male ones at that), realizing where this may be going. Put simply, I was odd looking; Even back home I had an face that stood out. Instead of hiding though, I cut my dark hair short so that there was nothing to distract from my unusual features, making my face the center of attention instead of my plain brown hair. The overall effect was "striking" when put nicely and "freaky" if you're feeling particularly critical. But that wasn't the problem.

The problem was that from what I could see, everyone here had an Asian hint in their face, with smaller eyes and delicate, small features and I had none of these; I was twenty different flavors of vanilla and it showed. On top of that, compared to the Hokage and the Anbu that escorted me, even the male ones, I was looked considerably taller. I wasn't actually too huge, it was just that I was thin and I held myself with enough confidence that I "seemed bigger" (as many people informed me over the years). The Sadistic Cyclops was the only one that could have been taller, and I have a feeling his bloodlust added a few inches.

I sigh and say, "So much for fitting in."

He just chuckles kindly and I give him a wry smile in return. He seemed to have relaxed into good old grandfather Hokage mode now that I wasn't a threat to the village and was much easier to be around.

The smile on his face faded and he said, "Yes, but this is the least of our problems. You said that you know the future of the entire elemental nations."

"Only for about the next 20 years or so, and it's subject to change if you believe in the butterfly effect, which I do, but yes. I do know _a_ future."

"None the less, as Hokage I will use all my power to protect this village and the Will of Fire, so I would like to hear this future," He stated, his eyes challenging.

"I understand, Hokage-sama, but I just want to be sure you understand what you're asking for. Not only just the fact that you know this potentially change the future, but you will be, essentially, playing God with the lives of everyone in this dimension. I decided that I wouldn't interfere, since I'm an outsider, but you have the qualifications to decide for me. If you do decide to hear my story though, I'll help you to the best of my abilities," I say seriously. This is no laughing matter, his next words will not only decide my fate, but the fate of every character I know and love.

"You want to help me? Are you really prepared to deal with the consequences should this go wrong?" He looks at me with an unreadable face.

"Yes."

I don't hesitate or blink as I meet his gaze. I'm not too smart, strong or kind, but I am stubborn as hell. If we do this, there will be no pussyfooting around because of stupid things like guilt or fear; It's all or nothing for me.

It only takes a second for him to nod his approval.

"Very well then, tell me your story."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Just going to repost this since most people don't read all the ANs sooo...

Romance? I think it's pretty obvious from my OC's personality that romance really isn't on her mind very much, so if it does happen it's going to be waaaaayyyyy later in the story. But if "no" on romance... well then, problem solved.

If yes on romance though: Who? You might have guessed from the summary but Naruto &amp; Co. are going to be WAY too young so don't go suggesting one of them. My OC will not be a pedo, thank you very much.

**New chapter will be out soon (hopefully) now that I've conquered my writers block!**

PLEASE REVIEW!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

I told the Hokage everything I knew but kept it brief, not going into every backstory and explaining all the connecting events, even though I said I would go into detail.

I told him as much too when he kept on interrupting, asking for more explanation.

"Hokage-sama, I'm just going to do a… rough outline first. No one can process all the information I have at once, I mean, I didn't understand or know even a third of the stuff I know now the first time around. I had to keep going back, or look it up, if I got curious. Plus, it was just a story for me, you were all characters, and yet I still…" I pause and backtrack. I'm not willing to admit that I _may_ have (*cough* definitely did, multiple times) gotten a _little_ emotional (*cough* bawled like a baby), "Look, let's just take it slow."

He closed his eyes briefly, as if to collect his thoughts, while murmuring, "That bad."

"Ummm, not exactly…" He looked up at that. "Some of it _is_ really bad but… It's just… OK, picture all the amazing, impossible things that everyone has done in the entire history of the elemental nations."

He raised an eyebrow (again) looking more than a little amused at my request.

"Now multiply that by like thirty and cram it into the next fifteen years."

Amusement morphed into surprise.

"There's a reason this time period was chosen for the story," I concluded, "and I don't think you'll be able to concentrate on every little detail at first. Plus, we've got nothing but time here."

After running through the story once, the Hokage was more than baffled; He looked positively discombobulated. Mouth-open-eyes-widened-and-frozen-in-place sort of shocked. Not surprising, "Naruto" ended with complete mind-fuckery and "HOLY FUCK HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!".

I let him process everything in peace, letting my mind wander as I stared off slightly over his shoulder, so as to not seem too impatient or too flippant.

Where would we go from here? What would he decide?

I needed his help, needed his support, but what if he didn't want to give it? It was a risk, keeping me alive when I knew so much but had no way to defend myself. Hell, I doubt he even trusted me enough to walk his god-damned pet _monkey_ let alone the future of _everything_ … Shit it was getting hard to concentrate.

The pain was getting fucking _annoying_ here, and I was no stranger to discomfort. I had gone through a, well, "rebellious" phase where I had done quite a few body modifications. I had a few (tastefuly done, as I still planed them out nicely before hand) tattoos on my hands, wrists and ankles plus a little stud in my nose, a horseshoe ring in my septum and half a dozen rings and studs in my ears. Some were pretty painful, but I was tough and I handled it well. Plus I've gotten into a few fights in my lifetime, so my pain tolerance was quite high over all. But this pain was pushing it.

While I applaud toughness and determination there comes a point where that turns into mule-headed masochism, which wasn't my _thing_.

What I'm trying to say is I think it's about time I took a break.

Focusing back on the Hokage, I saw that his blatant confusion seemed to have reached a more manageable level and tried to hum out a little "Umm" to get his attention…

… and failed spectacularly.

Instead, I ended up coughing and hacking like a grandma because my throat had somehow become ridiculously dry and rough in the few minutes I stopped talking.

_The fuck is going on?_

I managed to swallow my coughs after a solid twenty seconds of coughing my lungs out, but the when I look up Hokage is half out of his seat, as if he couldn't decide what to do.

Giving him an I'm-OK-really-it's-fine smile I try and talk again.

"That seal Blondie put on me is a bitch," I manage, not really noticing or caring that I just swore in front of the Hokage.

He just looks confused, not insulted, at my comment.

"What do you mean? That's just a chakra suppressing seal."

Wait, what?

"A chakra… I have chakra?" I muttered in surprise. You mean I could actually, potentially do crazy ninja stuff? _Whoa getting a bit ahead of ourselves here._

"Of course," He said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world (which, for him, I suppose it was), "What do you mean by that?"

"We don't use chakra in my dimension, it's more of a regional myth actually. I didn't think that we actually had any…"

"What!? That's impossible!"

"I think it's best if we agree that things that seemed impossible up until now are relabeled as 'improbable'," is all I feel like responding. Explaining how different our world is from this one would take a long, long time, and I'm not feeling especially patient. Pain made me crabby.

"I… suppose that would be best, all things considered," He said, trying to reclaim some form of nonchalance before getting back on track, "But why would a chakra repression seal hurt you?"

"I'm not the ninja here –" I started to snap, but quickly reeled in my anger. It wasn't his job to fix my little problem.

Starting again, I tried to cover my anger by just thinking aloud, "_So_, I mean, I not exactly qualified to diagnose and I'm just guessing here but… I have chakra, so I need it to live, but I – well, no one in my world – uses it _consciously_, so our bodies use it automatically, like blood maybe? So maybe I need more of it to live than you do? Or maybe since my body is used to having a set amount of chakra, since I don't ever expel mine by using jutsu, it's freaking out because I lost so much? I really don't know…"

Ok so the more I thought about it the worse this seemed.

Was I… Dying?

_No, no. You're just being dramatic,_ I tried to tell myself, _calm_ myself.

Didn't really work though.

This wasn't a good combo for me: alone in a potentially life threatening place, at the mercy of someone else while I was slowly dying _(don't jump to conclusion!)_ from a seal that wasn't supposed to hurt me but _was– oh-wait-fuck-get-this-thing-OFF-ME-NOW!_

I think Hiruzen noticed my panic, or else he reached the conclusion by himself, because he ripped the seal off me in a blur of movement.

Not the smartest thing to do apparently, because now I felt like I was going to die by cardiac arrest instead. I gasped, clawing at my chest and stomach, vaguely registering a shout of surprise and the "bang" of a door being slammed open.

Which was worse, cardiac arrest or chakra drain? Well, death by invisible-human-sized-garlic-mincer was very painful all over, but cardiac arrest was like all that pain had been concentrated right down the center of my body…

Hmmmm… A very difficult choice, but I suppose I'll have to choose the latter, as it was the one that made me pass out.

* * *

The first thing I thought when I woke up was _'Again!? I passed out AGAIN?'_, though _'Where the fuck am I this time?' _was a close second.

I stayed in my half-awake state for a moment afraid of what awaited me in the real world, a fear not completely unfounded as last time I was knocked out around ninja I ended up in a torture room, but I pushed it aside. I was in the Hokage's good graces so I _should be_ fine (''_Should be' isn't good enough,'_ the careful planner in me hissed, _'Wait, listen and learn…'_).

But, in an act of blind faith I pushed past that, hoping I was right to put my trust in the Hokage.

I opened my eyes slowly and skimmed the room I now found myself in I was in a hospital bed, complete with the lovely smell of disinfectant and the fashionable open backed hospital gowns (note the sarcasm), with the a very bored looking Shikaku Nara staring at me and what I recognized as fuinjutsu markings on the floor. Oh wait it's Nara Shikaku, gotta remember tha–

Wait what?

Why is Shikaku here?

He was just looking at me, like he was trying to figure out a particularly boring but troublesome puzzle… Which was kinda unnerving.

"Uhhhh, Hi?"

All I got was a slight raise in one eyebrow. Wow, what eloquence I have. OK, let's try again.

"Can I help you or are you going to just keep on …?"

I stopped myself before I said "ogling me", afraid to come off as a bit too crude. Plus, this was a married man, with a kid, who I actually respected and liked.

He didn't seem to feel the same way though, or share my desire to be polite, as he just got up and walked out of the room without saying a word.

I watched him go, staring at the door he left through for a few seconds in shock.

Alright-y then, that went well.

I concentrated instead on propping myself up, careful not to disrupt the IV needle in my forearm (_Bleh! I hate those long, hollow needles they use, they're just freaky_) and doing a quick once over on my body.

All limbs attached and moving? Check

How's my head? Thinking clearly? Any blurriness? Nope, nope, nope.

Any pain? Drowsiness? Nope. I feel great, actually. Better than I have in a long time in fact.

OK, so probably no drugs in my system, so that annoying half empty IV stuck in my arm probably just has fluids or whatever, and these ninja seem to have fixed whatever the hell was wrong with me and more. Feeling rather pleased with my situation I fall against the wall and wait for…

Well, whatever comes next I guess.

* * *

I wasn't kept waiting long, as Shikaku brought a tense looking Hokage back within minutes of walking out on me.

"Hello again," I say with a small smile to reassure him, "Sorry for my little episode back there," I continued, careful to keep my wording vague in front of Shikaku.

"Ah, no," Hiruzen responded, frowning slightly, "I should be the one to apologize. I shouldn't have just…"

I raised my hands and shook my head slightly, slightly panicked about talking about this in front of someone as smart as Shikaku.

Rule # 1 When you're with a Nara, don't leave any hints and answer all questions with non-answers or they _will_ figure you out.

"No need, I was about to do the same thing. Neither of us could have known."

He smiled slightly at that, and there was a slight pause before he straitened and continued.

"Ah, I trust you know who this is?" He asked, motioning to Shikaku.

_'__WHAT ARE YOU DOING, HIRUZEN HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT I KNOW HIM!_' My mind screamed.

I scrambled for an explanation and said, "Uh, well, he was here when I woke up but he didn't exactly introduce himself…"

"So I've never introduced you?" He asked.

"Uh, no."

"No one else has either?"

Where was he going with this exactly?

"No…"

"Tell me what you know about me," Shikaku said.

Careful not to glance at Hiruzen, I tried to morph my face into a mask of confusion.

"Uhhh…" No one interrupts with any explanation of what the hell's going on so _Bluffbluffbluff –_ "You're a ninja, you've got black hair…. Uh, do you want physical description or what?"

"I told him," Hiruzen replied.

"You told him about…"

_Playdumbplaydumb–_ Hiruzen tilted his head and gave me a look that said, '_Yes, I'm talking about _that.'

"… _Everything_?" I asked. He nodded.

I sighed and closed my eyes in relief.

"Geez, give me a warning next time, you nearly gave me a heart attack there," flicking my eyes towards Shikaku I continued, "He's Nara Shikaku, Jonin commander and a brilliant tactician, the best of his generation though his son will surpass him, or so they said but I'm never quite able to tell just how smart you both are when you're usually so lazy. His teammates were Yamanaka Inoichi and, Akimichi Chouza, and his wife's name is… Yoshino? I think. She's a hard-ass, in the best way of the word. Without her you and Shikamaru would probably never get anything done, well at least until Shikamaru gets married to his own hard-ass wife..."

Shikaku's poker face was commendable, but after all those the mentions of his son he cracked. Good. I didn't want him asking about his future just yet.

"What do you know about my son?"

Eager to answer I start a new spiel, "Shikamaru is the epitome of lazy at the moment and likes to skip class with Kiba, Naruto and Chouji. I think. That may come later though, I'm still not sure what year it is. Anyway he gets over the worst of it after his first mission as chunin nearly goes way, way south. His future wife helps him out a bit with that… Becomes the advisor and personal guard of the Nanadaime, Naruto Uzu- I mean Uzumaki Naruto, in the end and has a son named Shika… Shikai? No Shikasai? Shikadai! That's it."

I kept it as light as possible, afraid of getting off on the bad foot with this guy…

"Why should I believe you?"

Ok, so much for that plan.

His eyes sharpen and I feel like a deer caught in the headlights (pun not intended, but oh the irony of that statement).

"You're obviously leaving a lot out," He continues and I flinch, _shiiiiit_… "And that isn't exactly hard to come by knowledge."

"Knowledge of the future 'isn't exactly hard to come by'?" I ask, more to stall than anything as even I can see the blatant flaw in that.

I'm already frowning and raking my mind for anything to prove myself before he responds.

"Vague or easily made up."

"It's not made up!" _Keep him busy so I can think…_

"Prove it."

_Got it._

"Shikamaru is a genius, no doubt, but only to very few people at the moment. Currently he is way at he bottom at his class because he finds taking tests, or rather the act of putting pencil to paper, troublesome. His genin sensei, Asuma Sarutobi, will notice something's up and test Shikamaru by giving him an IQ test, where you have to create a cube from these pieces of wood, under the guise of a game. He'll also give Shikamaru a Shogi rulebook, and Shikamaru will tell him he'll learn it all in 10 minutes. He does, and Asuma is never able to beat Shikamaru. Not even once."

"Oh, and how can I verify it?" He says, unimpressed.

"How old is Shikamaru now?"

He waits a moment before saying, "He's almost 12."

"About to graduate then," I murmer. Tucking that bit of info away for later I continue confidently, "Then you'll see within a year."

He just studies me intently for a handful of seconds, before turning to the Hokage, "Doesn't seem to be lying but Inoichi would be better at saying for sure."

Wait, what? Don't tell me… This was a test, wasn't it? Oh, he totally got me there.

Then I wince, "Don't tell me he's going to do that mind reading thing, where he floats around in my head and reads my memories from a scroll right? I've got some personal shit in there."

He just raises his eyebrow at that, "Got something to hide?"

"Yeah, _everyone_ has parts of their life they hide. I'm only human. But no, to you're unsaid question, I'm not lying to you about this nor have I lied to you any point in this conversation and I don't have any huge secrets"

"So why so nervous then?"

Oh no, I feel a blush coming on. "Look," I growl, "It's _personal_."

He seems unconvinced by this statement.

"Gahhhh, Ok, It's little things like me watching porn and shit. It's stupid but I don't want anyone to see me do it." I practically hiss out, face feeling like it's about to burn off and melt into my lap and part of me is viciously satisfied when I see that I made them both uncomfortable. Still want throttle Shikaku though.

Hiruzen coughs nervously into his fist and says, "Oh, uh. I see. I don't think that will be necessary anyway. I didn't detect any deceit either," His demeanor changes back to serious suddenly and I straiten, embarrassment forgotten as he continues, "Plus you're chakra system proves your story."

"It does? How? Wait, what happened to me with that seal? " I cut myself off before I ramble out any more questions.

"Your chakra system, or how your body uses chakra, is completely unique. We've never seen anything like it," Hiruzen says, face pulled so somberly so suddenly it makes me fidget nervously. He doesn't seem to notice, too wrapped up to much in his thoughts.

"An initial scan revealed your that body is in horrible condition: Your bones had been submitted to unnatural pressure for huge periods of time, causing your joints to be inflamed and your bones to be extra hard, and therefore brittle, to survive the pressure. Your body was filled with toxins and diseases that we've never seen before and you're body lacked major nutrients. The medics were frankly stumped as to how you'd even survived so long."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

As he spoke I shrunk into myself, horrified. How was this possible? I had felt fine, _currently_ feel fine, while my body was in that state?

His eyes suddenly zeroed in on me, "That is until a more in depth study revealed something amazing: Your body and chakra system had adapted to work around it. Your bones were laced with Yang chakra to relieve pressure and Yin chakra naturally pooled in your joints to heal the damage done, your body has a plethora of a mutated type of white blood cell that is even more effective and powerful than any we've ever seen, and they work to keep the worse of the diseases broken down and useless. You have chakra seeping into every organ to help it do it's job despite the strain, and to heal the damage done to a remarkable degree. While your body was damaged it could function. On top of that, your DNA revealed itself to be human, but contained many more heterozygotes and mutated genes than any other patient, though they're unsure if this aided in any way."

Oh wow. Oh dear god, wow.

That last bit made sense but the rest… Could it be?

"What makes sense and what about the rest?" Shikaku asked.

_'__Oh, did I say that outloud?'_ I wondered.

I looked up again at the two men, who were staring at me intently now.

I answered him shakily, "Its just, well, the last bit about variation and mutation, it makes sense because they're much more genetic variation where I come and I'm a bit of a genetic mutt now that I think about it, being made through IVF and all and–"

"IVF?"

"Sorry, it stands for In-Vitro Fertilization," I said, using the English words with a slight Japanese accent to them, "It means that I was born from using an egg and sperm donor, who were chosen for their genetic… viability."

Seeing their confusion I continued, "I don't have time to get into it, but basically my parents had a lot in genetically related illnesses in their families, and possibly some inbreeding way back when, and were unlikely to create a healthy child together. So they decided to take some eggs and a sperm from two different, and very healthy people, mix them up in a test tube and implant them into my mother. Result being me, with an ideal genetic combination."

It was easier to breath now that I was information bombing them, and not panicking about dying, so I continued to explain.

"Oh, and I guess you guys don't know about this yet, but there is something called the 'Heterozygote advantage' that states that, in some cases, the heterozygote genotype is, well I suppose 'healthier' isn't be the right word but 'better fit to survive', maybe, than either the homozygous dominant or recessive genotype. It's part of the reason why inbreeding in families is so dangerous too."

Oh dear, they looked more confused than before.

"Are you saying inbreeding in families dangerous?" Hiruzen asked, frowning.

I'm not going to lie, my jaw literally dropped, leaving my mouth stuck in an 'O' as I got over the shock.

Finally I snapped out of it, practically yelling "What do you mean 'Are you saying inbreeding in families dangerous'!?" Not giving them the change to puzzle out that sentence I plowed on, hands coming up and waving around to punctuate my points, "When you inbreed you increase the chances of dangerous and normally recessive genes to be expressed and decrease the chances of possible advantageous mutations happening! Genetic variation is the key to creating healthy offspring! I mean just look at any pureblood dog species average medical history and compare it to that of any mutt's. Mutts have way longer lifespans and better health, I mean excluding environmental factors because that definitely plays a part in health, but it's blatantly obvious! I mean, even if you cross to purebloods you'll immediately get a healthier dog than either of it's parents. This is one of the core ideas of biology how do you not know this?"

Both ignore my slightly rhetorical and open their mouths to talk, though Shikaku gets there first.

"But what if the healthy mutations are recessive then what happens?"

I huff and try to calm down and think, because it really is a valid question.

"Well, it depends, but worst comes to worst usually evolution will deal with it over time. Oh and please tell me you've heard of evolution," I practically beg. How could they not? That was the biggest and most central idea of biology, and maybe of science as a whole!

Hiruzen is first this time and says, "Yes we know about evolution, but back to Inbreeding. Those who work closely with animals know of its dangers but it shouldn't effect humans like it does dogs."

I close my eyes and press the back of my thumb to my forehead, in what my sister calls my "Oh lord give my strength pose", accidently causing a tugging sensation in my arm.

Right, IV needle, in a hospital right now.

"Look while I do feel it to be my duty to inform you on the dangers of inbreeding I also would like to get back to the whole 'you shouldn't be alive' thing."

"Ah yes, we did get a little off track. Where were we again?" Hiruzen asks to no one in particular, a serene smile on his face. I feel the urge to face palm at his nonchalance, this is my _death_ we're talking about here for god's sake! Is this where Kakashi got it? Maybe that runs through the sensei to student chain they got going all the way back from Hashirama… Now that's a frightening thought.

Shikaku obviously remembers while I'm resisting the urge to cause bodily harm to the Hokage because he asks a new question, "Right you seemed to have an idea about the rest of your… unique situation."

_'__Unique situation'? Is that what we're calling it now?_ I mock internally. Externally, however, I say, "Right, so back in my dimension we can't, or well don't know how to, do jutsu or even half of the things you take for granted. We can't train our bodies to withstand being slammed through concrete or to generate enough force in a punch to break walls, we're just less durable, _weaker_, than you all. At first I thought it was because we didn't have chakra, but since we do I think I know what's going on. You said I endured consistent force on my body, right? I'm guessing it's my world's gravity, which is much stronger than the one here and why you are all able to jump and flip around like it's nothing while I can't even do 30 push ups. OK though that may also be due to laziness on my part too but you get the point."

I get a smirk for my efforts and consider it a win.

"Moving on, disease and white blood cells is easy: I've heard of what, 1 disease in this world unrelated to chakra? Back home we have tons, and if we were able to survive it makes sense that our immune systems would be in tiptop shape. You all, however, have never had the need to fight off anything more vicious than the flu apparently and don't need a great immune system, so you never evolved to have it. Simple. Oh and those diseases are probably not actual diseases, but my helper-T cells, antigens and/or antibodies corresponding to diseases I've contracted, through vaccines or otherwise, and successfully fought off. Since you've never seen the actual disease it makes sense that you'd confuse the two, after all the two are made to fit together like a puzzle so they do look similar, even if they're otherwise opposites," I frown at their looks of confusion, "Oh no, what's don't you get this time? Please tell me you have vaccines here."

"Of course we do," Hiruzen says (_Well ex-cu-se me mister you didn't know about inbreeding_), "But I've never heard of 'helper-T cells'."

Initially I frown and scan my brain for an explanation, but relax when I realize the obvious, "That's fine, you probably don't know about them because helper-T cells aren't really well know. I was interested in becoming a doctor or a marine biologist when I was younger so I studied biology and anatomy a lot."

"I'll double check with the medics," Shikaku assured Hiruzen, who nodded, then looked thoughtful.

"While your at it ask them to remove the containment seal around her, since we know she's not contagious now."

Containment seal? Oh, that's probably the fuinjutsu markings of the floor I noticed when I woke up.

I tap my lip as I think, muttering, "Bones, genetic variation, immune system… what else was there? Ah! Right, Toxins and nutrients. Toxins are probably explained by pollution."

Now in full on teacher-mode, I unfold my hands to get the ready to gesture and mime my points almost subconsciously.

"Now since we're all weaklings we found other ways to survive, namely using our brains to come up with faster and more efficient, and eventually more mechanical ways of doing everything. Since the industrial revolution we've been building and innovating at incredible speeds. There's this idea called Kurtzweil's law of accelerating returns– OK maybe we can get into that later but in summary: We've built amazing machines and billions of factories, at incredible speeds…but it's comes at a price. Namely we've not got some horrendous environmental issues, such as a lot of toxins in our water, soil and air, and therefore in everything around us. I guess we've also been soaking them up too…"

I furrow my brows at huff when it comes to the last one.

"The bit about nutrients, however, I… OK I don't really know what that's about," I admit.

Hey, I can't know everything, right?

The Hokage hums and nods at my statement, perhaps thinking the same thing.

Shikaku sighs and says, "I should probably get the doctor then. We were supposed to get her when you woke up but…"

Aw man, I hate getting check ups. They're all pokey and prod-y and its awkward as hell when they start that whole "What grade are you in now? Oh _? Wow! You're so big! And how's school going? Hmmm. You doing anything special over (insert holiday here)? That sounds fun!..."You know they just going to forget everything say as soon as you leave the room but for some reason you feel obligated to answer anyway. Eh. How annoying. I keep my mouth shut though because 1) I'm not ungrateful or rude and 2) I'm actually in need of medical attention.

Instead I sit back and say my goodbyes to Shikaku and the Hokage.

* * *

It's official.

May the record show that:

1) I hate the leaf village hospital.

2) I hate all medical nin.

3) And of all the medical nin on this planet, Izuku-Sensei is by far the most annoying of them all.

After the Hokage and Shikaku left I was introduced to the hell of scary, overprotective doctors and nurses. Right off the bat they started screeching about how they should have been notified "as soon as I woke up!", but quickly switched to screeching about how "I should by lying down, resting, not doing strenuous exercise!" (I kept my mouth shut but I couldn't help thinking that I had just _sat up_, and that's not exactly _strenuous_ even for me).

They then made me go through the never-ending-physical, which involved quite a few needles, before completing the never-ending-tests that rotated from making me do ridiculous exercises to strapping me in bed for hours so that I wouldn't move while they looked at some tissue or blood samples or whatever… In summary, it was _hell_. And Izuku-Sensei led the charge.

Well, hellishly boring and annoying, but still, I nearly cried tears of relief when the Hokage came back 3 days later with a bag of something very sweet and cinnamon-y smelling. After days of tests and the worlds blandest "nutrient rich" hospital meals (because apparently this world had nutrients that we didn't have on earth and the doctors wanted to pump as many as possible into me as fast as possible) I was prepared to cut off my own hand for a bite of whatever was in that bag.

"Hokage-sama!" I exclaimed.

He smiled at the (rather blatant) looks I was sending the paper bag in his hand as walked towards me. _So close, yet so far…_

"Hello… again," He said, putting a paper bag into my lap, "Thought you might want a little snack."

I didn't care enough to comment on his slightly weird greeting, as I was too busy tearing the bag open and stuffing the cinnamon roll into my mouth, furtively glancing around the room half afraid Izuku-Sensei would pop out of the wood work and take it from me.

That startled a laugh out of the Hokage, and I looked up sheepishly.

"Ehe, thanks for the food. Izuku-Sensei doesn't let me eat sugar so…"

I stuffed another bite in my mouth, savoring the sweet, fluffy pastry (because if I had time to talk, I had time to _eat_).

He chuckled at my antics, in his classic grandfather-Hokage way, before giving a slight frown and saying, "I didn't just come for that though. It seems that in all the excitement of these past couple days I forgot to ask what your name is. We can't keep on calling you Prisoner 124."

I snorted at that ominous name, quickly deciding that if I ever returned home I was getting a t-shirt that said "I went to Konohagakure no Sato and all I got was this lousy codename: Prisoner 124".

To the Hokage I said, "Oh, my name is– "

I stopped, frowning, before continuing, "Actually, you won't be able to use my name since it's obviously foreign, I don't even know if you'll be able to pronounce it."

"What do you mean, how different could it be?" He asks.

"Very. We speak a different language in my country than we do here, though there is a country back home that speaks this language which is how I know you'll have so much trouble with mine."

"I thought you spoke slightly oddly, but you have a different language?" He said, shocked, "But how are you speaking now?"

"I don't know, I just suddenly started to understand it when I arrived."

We both sat in silence for a moment afterwards, mulling over the idea.

"But you still remember your old language?" He asked suddenly.

"Of course."

"But, how? How could you know two languages at once?"

I gave him a look that said '_That's_ the part you focused on?' before remembering that in this world where everyone speaks only one language. In that case, the idea of bilingualism sounds as impossible as, say, enormous metal contraptions that can fly thousands of miles in the sky without using chakra. Maybe I should keep quite about airplanes…

"Uh, how do I explain this?" I muttered, "Well, where I come from there are hundreds of different languages so learning 2 languages isn't the amazing part, it's learning it within a couple minutes with no effort on my part."

The Hokage stares for a moment, but shakes his head after a few seconds and says, "We keep on getting distracted by your world's abilities, but we can talk about those later. We still have to get you a name."

"Oh right. Got any suggestions?"

"Hayashi Matsuko?" He says quickly.

"Pine tree forest? I'm sorry but that's obviously a code name."

"Ah, sorry, bad habit."

I just smiled.

"Nakamura* Shinobu?"

"Eh, 'Shinobu' is too close to 'Shinobi', plus it's way to ironic to have a name like 'endurance' when you don't have any. But how about Nishimura*? I like that."

He nods and says "OK, Nishimura it is. How about… Mizuki?"

"Oh hell no, I already know someone named Mizuki and I don't like him. Wait, isn't that a guy's name too?"

"Not really, it's usually female."

"Huh. You learn something new everyday. But I like the character for 'Zuki'**, always was a bit of a night owl myself."

"Then how about Mikazuki?"

"'Moon of the third night'? Actually, that sounds pretty cool. Though I'll probably go by 'Mika'; Mikazuki is a bit of a mouthful."

He smiled at that, "Well, nice to meet you then, Nishimura-san. Welcome to Konohagakure no Sato."

"Great to be here, Hokage-sama, and call me Mika. We're a lot less formal where I come from," I say, holding out my hand.

He just looks between me and my hand.

Noticing my mistake, I pull my hand back and rub my neck nervously.

"Oh right, we don't shake hands here," I explain.

He looks like he's about to ask something, but just shakes his head, "Your dimension is very odd, Mika-san."

I raise an eyebrow, "Says the man running a magic ninja village."

He frowns, "It's not magic."

"It is from my perspective."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

*"Nakamura" and "Nishimura" mean "Easter village" and "Western village", respectively. As an American she is part of what we can "western civilization", and therefore prefers to Nishimura as it refers to the West. (Also, as a semi-self insert I thought she should use part of my pen name).

** "Zuki" is the character for 'Moon', hence why she talks about being a night owl.

Update on the romance front!

Due to a (mysterious) guest's lovely advice, I've decided to include romance (I'll start a little bit next chapter)! Thanks to their list I've narrowed it down to:

1) Hatake Kakashi (age 26)

2) Umino Iruka (age 22)

3) Shiranui Genma (age 29)

and, if you really want to screw with the plot:

4) Uchiha Itachi (age 18)

Tell me which one you prefer! I'll keep it in mind ~

**Reviews make the world go round!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

Izuku-sensei let me out a few days later, but not before I swore up and down that I would return for a checkup next week and that I would take it easy until then.

I would have promised them my first-born child at that moment if it meant no more hospital food. You couldn't even tell what that stuff was made from! It was just… Gloop. Like that white stuff they ate in the "Matrix", it was Gloop a la Matrix.

I shuddered just thinking about it.

Then came the problem that I had no clothes to wear, as I couldn't wear my own, my prison uniform or my hospital gown outside, but it seems like the hospital had a few things to spare for ninja who came in with their clothes too dirty or destroyed to put back on.

I was handed a bundle and told to change and wait in the reception area for my escort, who I assumed was sent by the Hokage.

The clothes weren't really my style but they weren't horrible. Actually, it seemed like they only had one type of outfit in storage because it looked almost exactly like Hanare's loaned outfit, from that one episode about the spy who ended up accidently kissing Kakashi. I had the same long skirt and long sleeve crop top with a tank top underneath, just in different colors. I got a white top with a dark blue tank top and a green skirt instead. I was slightly relieved to not be wearing the exact same outfit as Hanare would wear, as that would just feel like stealing.

There were also a pair of fingerless gloves that Shikaku had brought me on his second visit to cover the tattoos on my hands. It seems tattoos had the same negative connotation here that they did in Japan back on earth, so I dutifully put them on. It's not like I got them done to show off anyway, my tattoos were more for me than they were anyone else.

I wasn't kept waiting long, as soon I felt a shadow fall over me and a male voice ask, "Nishimura-san?"

I looked up and was greeted with a slightly sleepy looking Genma Shiranui.

Trying to mask my recognition, I just gave a placid smile and nodded.

"I'm supposed to escort you on your trip," He continued, pulling out a scroll and handing it to me.

I couldn't help but furrow my brows at that. Trip? Where was the Hokage sending me?

Aware that Genma wasn't going to tell me, I took the scroll instead and popped the seal open with my thumb, angling it away from Genma's vision as naturally as possible.

I think he may have noticed, but he didn't say anything.

I was also relieved to realize that I could read Kanji now just as easily as I could read English. I guess the Hokage didn't really think about me not being able to, or else he deemed it worth the risk to leave a scroll of instructions I could potentially not read. I'm guessing it's the former because he was still confused about how I could know 2 languages.

The scroll read, in very neat Kanji:

_Mika-san,_

_I am currently busy sorting out the finer details of your stay and unable to meet with you at the moment._

_I'm unsure if you've met before, but I hope that you find Shiranui-san an acceptable escort in my absence. If you have any problem with this arrangement feel free to come to my office._

_As you don't have an income or enough belongings of your own, Shiranui-san shall take you to the shopping district and to your temporary apartment and, if you have time, take you on a short tour of the village. All expenses will be covered by the village._

_I will send another escort to pick you up tomorrow morning, where we may finalize the details of your stay._

There was no signature at the end, instead there was a stamp that I recognized from the Hokage Hat and a small note.

_Oh, and once you're done with this return it to Shiranui-san, he knows what to do with it._

Reading it through again I tried to puzzle out all the hidden meanings.

1) The first bit about "finalizing my stay" but being too "busy" was weird because we hadn't made any _initial_ plans, so it sounded more like he was hinting that he wants me here but he's having some push back about letting me in the village that he needed to address. It was worrying, but perhaps I was reading too much into it.

2) The wording also implies that he trusts Genma but since he asks about me "meeting him", which he knows is impossible in the litteral sense of the phrase, he must be making sure that I know him to be trustworthy in the future too and wants to give me the option of going to him if I knew Genma wasn't trustworthy. I did trust Genma, he was a good guy from what I knew, but the fact that he would send a member of his elite guard was worrying nonetheless. It seemed that someone powerful didn't want me here.

Aware that I'd been staring at the short missive long enough, I rolled up the scroll and handed it back to Genma, who tucked it away so in his back pouch.

"I guess we're going to the shopping district then, Shiranui-san," I say with a slight smile.

Well, who wouldn't be happy at the prospect of a tour of the hidden village? It being done by Genma was slightly nerve wracking, as I knew his character from Naruto. ('_Maybe I should have another name for that now that there is a real Naruto', _I thought, '_How about "The AM"? For Anime/Manga?')_

Though, to be fair there was another reason Genma made me slightly nervous, and it wasn't actually because he was holding a 6 inch long needle in his mouth. It was because, despite my adamant refusal to admit it, Genma was… attractive.

OK, I'll just say it now so I don't have to say it again: Genma was really hot. Really, really hot.

He was slightly taller than me, but just barely, so I could almost look strait into his plain brown eyes. His hair wasn't particularly interesting either, just strait brown hair and his face had the classic Japanese hint that everyone here had. So what made him so attractive? Well, you couldn't see it in the anime but there was a lot more variation in facial features here, and Genma had some superior facial features. Strait, strong nose and high cheekbones that were still slightly soft around the edges: A classic pretty boy face. And I liked pretty boys. It didn't help that I could tell he was very well built from just that quick glance when I looked up after he called my name (as I refused to actually take a second look, because that would be checking him out and I _do not check guys out_) and that he had a relaxed attitude that I always seemed to be attracted to. It didn't seem to matter that he was about 10 years older than me, because the annoying and slightly perverted side of me just kept on repeating _'You're 19 now, it's totally legal.'_

It was a very, very bad combination.

Or a very, very good one… I quickly squashed that thought.

I learned over my many years that I'm weak to pretty things, and tend to get all blush-y and giggly around pretty faces, boy or girl, even if I'm not attracted to them. Add in attraction and you've got a recipe for disaster.

Solution: _Ignore it!_

Stamp down your emotions and keep those giggles in check, girl, because I refuse to submit myself to the humiliation.

All these thoughts happened within a minute, and I was back and ready to focus by the time we stepped out the doors of the hospital and I was quickly distracted again.

The village was beautiful. I'd never heard of anyone commenting on it before, but that was probably because they took it for granted. The streets were pale, hard packed earth and the buildings were varying shades of equally soothing, soft colors. Telephone wires antennas twirled and twisted around roofs and tags, stickers and remnants of posters were stuck to the walls. Instead of making it look worn out or old, the chaos only seemed to add to the charm. It was clean too; Clean streets and buildings despite the lack of trashcans and a noticeably fresher, purer air than back home. There were no blaring neon signs or loud music rumbling from any of the buildings, instead there was only peaceful chatter and interspersed with the delighted yells of the children running around with wooden kunai and shuriken.

I realized we were approaching the shopping area when stalls and shoppers became more frequent, and snuck a glance back at Genma to make sure he knew where he was going. He seemed a little too relaxed though, so I decided to break the silence.

"Shiranui-san?" I asked, and continued when he glanced sideways at me to show he was listening, "Did the Hokage give you any information about what I needed to get here, or where I should go?"

"He didn't tell you?" He drawled back.

I slowed my pace at that, worried about what to do now, but Genma turned to face me a little more and said, "I know where to go, I'm just surprised he didn't tell you."

I relaxed my face, which I had apparently contorted anxiously without noticing, and smiled in response, channeling my inner Kakashi, and saying a noncommittal, "Ah, good." and ignoring his unsaid question.

It's surprising how useful a smile can be for deflecting questions.

If the slight tensing of his forehead is anything to go by though, it seems he noticed.

Jesus, you can't sneak anything past this guy, can you?

* * *

It was only when I was sitting in the window seat of a barren apartment with a carton of takeout chicken fried rice that I finally relaxed.

_Well, I did get something out of my trip with him_, I thought.

I was able to get the first glance I had of my reflection this week from the window of a shop. The treatment the doctors had done a lot for my skin and hair, making it much softer and healthier, so my overall appearance had improved. Now I'd probably turn quite a few heads back home, but here, not so much. I was aware of the beauty standards of Japan and knew that I was quite simply not considered pretty: My face had a classical Greek hint rather an Asian one, which meant thick eyebrows, and a wider mouth and a large, strait nose, none of which were considered even close to the ideal. I did have comparatively large eyes though, which I think is considered attractive, so I guess I wasn't completely unfortunate in their eyes.

Who cared about that though? I thought I looked pretty good and while I was happy with the change, I wasn't about to get plastic surgery to conform here.

Everything else about that trip had been a nightmare though.

Shopping with Genma had been a little nerve wracking, as I was trying to stay as polite as possible while distancing myself as possible… And Genma seemed to like to try and get me to do the exact opposite.

At first, while he wasn't rude, not by my American standards, he was distinctly apathetic in a way that made the shopkeepers tsk in sympathy. I didn't care. Actually, I much preferred it to what came next, as it seems that my unperturbed reaction seemed to interest him enough that he started making small talk. That wasn't too bad, but after the first time he accidentally made me jump when he got too close while I trying to read a price tag he seemed to find some sort of perverse pleasure in trying to get me riled up. He would sneak into my personal space, which I _knew_ was uncalled for because the Japanese are protective of personal bubbles and _no_ amount of denial was going to convince me otherwise, and try to slip in a ton of personal questions when he thought he'd riled me up enough. It nearly worked the first time, but after that I was so tight lipped and tense I'd jump when he so much as cleared his throat.

I was nearly blowing steam out of my ears by the time he dropped me off at my apartment, and wanted to throttle him when he asked for a "goodnight kiss".

Instead I slammed the door in his face before he noticed my blush.

I knew he was just trying to get information out of me since I was being so secretive, but his methods were… unfavorable, and made me think he noticed my slight attraction to him which made me want to curl up in a ball and _die_.

I can honestly say I preferred Mr. Cyclops's interrogation method.

* * *

Dear lord save me, he was back.

Genma was the escort sent to pick me up.

Oh sweet Jesus, help.

I had just gotten out of the shower and changed into some clothes I had bought yesterday when a knock on my door at revealed him in all his smirking glory, while I stared back with a look that was as lifeless as my limp, wet hair.

"Good morning," He drawled.

"Good morning," I muttered, apprehensive, before getting down to the important business, "Could we pick something up for breakfast on the way there? I can eat and walk."

"Sure, Mika-chan, what would you like to get?" I bristled slightly at the honorific but let it go for the sake of cinnamon rolls, which I was determined to eat again.

"A cinnamon roll from this shop," I said, pulling out the map the Hokage had quickly drawn out for me and pointing.

Genma seemed to find this funny, because he chuckled and said, "Sure thing, Mika-chan," as he turned down the street, presumably towards the shop.

I felt a tick in my eye start to develop at the nickname but tried to phrase the next bit as calmly as possible, "Shiranui-san, you can call me Mika-san or just Mika, but could you please not call me -chan?"

"Call me 'Genma' then," is all he said.

"I'd feel more comfortable–"

"Mika-chan it is, then."

Why that _little_–

Calm thoughts, calm thoughts.

I waited a few minutes weighing the pros and cons: On one hand, cutesy name that implies some level of closeness _that we do not have_, on the other, potentially inviting more uncomfortable situations by making him think I admit to having a level of closeness with him (_which we DO NOT have!)_…

Urgh this man was difficult.

"Genma-san," I finally ground out.

"Genma-sempai."

"No."

"Mika-chan it is then~"

This time I let out a hiss of annoyance at the name, which only caused him to chuckle.

"Maybe I should call you Neko*-chan, with the way you're–"

"Don't you dare!"

* * *

Was the cinnamon roll worth spending an extra 10 minutes with Genma?

… Barely. And that's saying something because I swear there's crack in these things.

He brought me to the Hokage office and left me at the door with a mocking, "Bye, Mika-chan~"

He hadn't stopped calling me that the entire trip, inserting it into every sentence and laughing at my reaction. And when I tried to pick up the pace to end the trip sooner he just kept up his leisurely pace, forcing me to wait for him to catch up as I was nervous of loosing my guard when there were unknown enemies lurking about. Dear god, how it grated on my nerves to admit I needed him to protect me, especially with that thrice damned nickname he refused to stop using! I already had to compromise with him and call him "Gemna" so he would stop calling me "Neko-chan".

It made me FURIOUS.

I stomped over to the Hokage and growled out, "Do not assign Genma as my guard. Ever. Again."

He seemed slightly amused by this and just asked, "Oh, so he's Genma now? You two got rather close."

"We're not– He forced– and he kept calling me– and– GAH! He's… He's _infuriating_! And don't laugh at me, I'm serious!"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

A short romance centered chapter, a more plot centric one will be coming next.

And don't worry! I haven't decided on a pairing just yet, this was just a little intro. Plus, do you end up dating every guy you find cute? I think not, and neither will Mika.

Updates will be a little slower now as my real life is getting more complicated (I won't bore you with the details, as you're here to read about Mika not me) but I'll try to update regularly.

* * *

*"Neko" means "cat", he calls her that because she hissed at him like a cat would and (as you can hopefully tell) she has a very cat-like personality and way of dealing with people...

AKA: Humors you for a bit but prefers to be left alone and has a soft spot for those who give her tasty treats.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

The Hokage looked at me over his overflowing pile of papers (seriously, there was more paper than desk!) and puffed a bit on his pipe. While our greeting had been a little… odd, thanks to Genma, the mood quickly became somber as we remembered what we were here for.

"We've run into some resistance about your stay here," He said after a moment of silence.

I nodded, expecting as much, before asking, "Is it Danzo and the elders?"

He nodded, "You've seen this before then?"

"Yeah, much later it becomes obvious he's got them wrapped around his little finger but I wasn't sure how long he'd had them under his control."

He frowned, "I didn't realize it was to that extent. I know he means well, but I constantly have to make sure he doesn't go too far. If the elders are as obedient as you say I may have to take more drastic action."

"I suggest you fire him and the Elders. They're nothing but trouble"

"I can't do that!" The Hokage said, surprised.

"Can't or won't?"

"Can't! We can't make Danzo's actions public knowledge, it would weaken the village," He said, sounding a little insulted.

Oops, there I go, being too blunt when tact is required. You can't just go giving advice willy-nilly to a Kage. Plus, Danzo and Hiruzen were close at one point in time so it makes sense that he'd still feel loyalty to him over me.

"Sorry, Hokage-sama, I didn't mean any offence, it was just an honest question about if you could legally fire the 3 of them."

He simmered down a bit at that, leaning away from his (incredibly messy) desk and shook his head.

"Technically yes, I could fire a council member by myself, but it wouldn't go over well with the rest of them. I'd need to provide a very good reason too, or else I could the rest could try to force my resignation because they feel threatened."

"Hmmm OK, that makes sense," I say, "I'm hardly a good enough reason on my own."

"I could try to find some incriminating evidence, but Danzo is smart. He's only been stretching the law, not breaking it."

I shake my head, "No, he's definitely broken the law. He's kept root active despite the fourth's order to disband."

The Hokage's face darkened. Eventually, he said, "I should have expected this."

He looks legitimately upset, and I wonder if I should keep my suspicions to myself. I don't want to cause him unnecessary amounts of pain, and maybe waiting would lessen the blow… But waiting could also just delay the inevitable and complicate things in the long run, especially if holding back information caused the Hokage to make a decision he otherwise wouldn't have.

The choice is obvious.

"Danzo has done more than just keep Root active," I start then stop, wondering how to continue.

"Hokage-sama, I'm not trying to insult you when I say this, I know you are a great Hokage, I've seen it, so I need know when I say these things it's with hindsight." I continue, eyes unfocused and mind focused on my memories, "Danzo is more corrupt than you know: He aided and supported Orochimaru's experiments, including the ones on the villagers and is currently going behind your back to entice the Uchiha into rebellion. In the future he'll steal the eyes out of the Uchiha's dead bodies and implant them in his arm and eye socket, then try to use them to control the other Kages at the first ever Kage Summit. He'll tell himself he's doing it for the good of the village, but he's lying to himself. He's doing it because he wants to be power and to be Hokage."

I can see the Hokage drift between disbelief and anger, but I don't stop.

"Hokage-sama, I know that Danzo, despite what he has done and will do, isn't evil. He's corrupt. Corrupted by the dark, or the shadows, that he is so fond of hiding in. You can't hush this up, or try and out manipulate him. The only thing that can drive away shadows is light, and you need to shine a light right on him. Hopefully not only will you save the village, you'll also save him."

"I… can't do that. Danzo may be underhanded but he's not all wrong in his views. We need someone like him."

I paused, good point. But still…

"While every military needs spies and lies to win, you don't want to rely on Danzo for either. He may say he has the villages best interest at heart, but I can assure you part of him doesn't, and that side of him will rear it's ugly head at the worst possible moment and nearly drag the village down. Multiple times."

I pause, my chest tight and my leg jiggling up and down nervously. I don't want to say this, but I can't bear to keep this to myself.

"He teams back up with Orochimaru and lets him nearly destroy the village in return for letting him become the Godaime Hokage," I say and, with great trepidation, I say, "Hokage-sama, he was an accomplice in your murder."

* * *

The meeting stagnates a bit after that.

I keep my eyes downcast and focused on the pile of papers by my feet, feeling horrible and guilty. The Hokage is a smart man, a wise man, but even he is thrown off balance by news of his foreseen death.

It's understandable.

Especially considering that I'm naturally the world's most brutally honest and emotionally insensitive human being. I mean, when you've got the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon for your own emotions it's very hard to be "sensitive" to another's.

In summary, I just don't know when to shut up.

I could have kept that last part to myself. Even now I started to doubt myself. Is that really what I what happened? I did read a lot of FanFiction, was that maybe a plot that another author had inserted? I didn't remember exactly what Danzo did either… but part of me – _most_ of me – knew it was true. It was the same part of me that knew Sasuke liked tomatoes and Naruto liked gardening, despite not remembering where I learned it. There are some things that I just _knew_.

So I kept my mouth shut and I waited.

* * *

Sometimes people just need time, space and quiet to process things. I suspect the Hokage wasn't the type to show any sort or weakness and probably would try to be "strong" and "practical" if he realized he was just sitting there in horrified silence, but he needed this. He needed to mourn the loss of naivety and process his friend's betrayal.

There's a trick I use sometimes to erase my presence in a room. I based it off of the idea of selective attention, or how you don't notice certain things depending on the circumstances.

For example, if you're focused on one thing you won't notice something that you otherwise would. Its how pickpockets generally work: they misdirect your attention or wait for you to focus on something else before they swoop in.

Also, if something is regular enough that it becomes a pattern you don't register it anymore, like how you only notice music was playing when it stops. The pattern becomes normal to you, so you stop registering it, then are only able register the change when the pattern breaks. It's the same with smell: you don't register your own natural smell despite everyone having a slight, faint one at all times. Your nose just stops registering it.

I brought these two ideas together, but really crucial point in erasing your presence was movement.

The first thing your eye registers is movement, so moving too much will draw attention to yourself. However, if you suddenly stop moving it's just as noticeable, so you have to slowly dial your movement back and create a pattern to it. I timed everything to my breath, since it was a very normal pattern that most people didn't register on a daily basis.

Also, don't try and become completely still because no one can stay perfectly still for very long (rarely more than a couple seconds, in fact) and even the _tiniest_ twitch at that point will give you away. It's the same with holding your breath. For some reason our natural instinct is to hold our breath when we don't want to be noticed, but you need to start breathing at _some_ point, and when you do you'll break your movement pattern and create a relatively loud huff of breath.

You have to stay relaxed and comfortable, with a slight sway in your body as you breath.

The last step, is to rotate your face so it's not facing anyone directly. Our eyes are trained to find faces and will subconsciously send a "someone is watching you" signal to our brain, which will cause the person to get paranoid and notice you. We find faces even in the silliest of things, like faucets or car headlights, because of this and sometimes are brain gets so convinced that their real faces that we start to feel like we're being watched even when no one is there.

Obviously it was complicated, and it didn't always work even for me. Luckily it did this time, so, within a moment, I melted away from the Hokage's senses and left him alone.

I became part of the background and waited.

* * *

It was Shikaku who broke the Hokage out of his trance.

I had been sitting there quietly for about five minutes, studying the horribly organized stacks of paperwork and wondering if anyone had even bother to create a filing or prioritizing system to this thing, before a knock on the door snapped Hiruzen out of it.

"Come in."

I gently eased myself back into his senses as Shikaku came in.

"Good morning," Shikaku drawled.

Hiruzen nodded, "Good morning, Shikaku."

"Good morning," I said with a smile.

The Hokage's eyes flicked over to me, and I wondered if he noticed that he'd lost track of me for a moment.

"We were just discussing Mika's stay here."

"You told her about the council?" Shikaku asked.

"Yes, but she already suspected."

Shikaku looked at me and nodded. I wondered briefly what he was nodding about (was it a "Yes, just as I though" nod or an "Well OK, that's interesting" nod or maybe a "Yo, I recognize your smarts" nod…)

"What's our next step then?"

Good question, what was our next step?

"Right, you'll need an official cover and background," The Hokage said, turning to me.

"What did you tell the council," I asked. We'd have to build on that.

"Just that you were an experimental resource of mine."

"'An experimental resource'?" Well that was tricky. "Did you hint what the experiment was? Or can we just invent any background and trust the council to go along with it?"

"They'll go along with it so long as you seem to be doing something of importance."

OK, that made sense. If we gave them at least a slight inkling of what my "real" job was they would be more willing to accept it. On the other hand, if they had no idea who I was or what I was doing, they'd start poking around and that would be problematic. However, we couldn't exactly hint that I was a dimensional traveler and expect people to be like "Oh, that's cool"…

A plan started to form.

"Well, how about a 3 layered cover? First layer is my everyday, visible to a clueless civilian life. Under that, my other 'experimental resource' job that some ninja figure out, and finally under that a second even _more_ secret role in case somebody starts to suspect the second layer is fake."

"Would you be able to keep that up?" Shikaku asks.

"Yeah, probably, but I might slip up. Hopefully the layers will allow for some wiggle room… and we'll have to keep as close to the truth as possible. If I only have to remember a few things that I absolutely can't say it'll be easier."

Shikaku nods and says, "I had a similar plan, but I don't know your lying and acting capabilities. The bottom layer of your cover can be that you're from a country outside the elemental countries that has a very different life style, and you're here because you're on the run due to your abilities as an oracle. Do you think you can do that?"

I nod, "Yeah, definitely possible, pretty close to the truth and all… but and oracle? Really? Would anybody believe that?"

"There have been rumors of a priestess up north with the ability to predict death, so we could go for something similar. Maybe even plant fake evidence of ties between you and her," Shikaku responded nonchalantly.

"Oh right," I said with a start, remembering the white haired girl with a pessimistic attitude from that one arc about the chakra beast (in the lava or something, right?)… It was a little fuzzy, obviously, but I could see how this would work. What'ya know? They did sort of believe in fortune tellers here.

"The other two layers definitely depend on your own talents. What could be another resource, besides your providence, you could offer the village?" Shikaku asked.

"Uhhh…" I said intelligently.

What did I have to offer? First thought: NOTHING. I wasn't particularly talented.

But what did my world have to offer? Machines, technology, languages… But I wasn't an engineer and popping languages out of nowhere would, at best, add to my third cover layer. Maybe codes based on other languages? No, still too problematic. Biology? I obviously had some information that could be useful, but did I really have enough? I wasn't a Biology major (I was an Economics that I hadn't even completed one year of college) and I didn't even know if I had that much useful information… No, Biology wasn't ideal either.

My jiggling foot finally became a nuisance and knocked against the pile of papers at my feet, knocking the thing over.

"Oh shit, sorry," I reached down and picked up the papers, trying to file them back in order as I gathered them, "I'll just put them back the way they were…"

But, _what_ _were_ _they_? Each one looked like a freaking essay… Scratch that, it looked like a combination of bullet point notes, essays and short answer questions. How the hell did they organize this?

"Oh don't worry, it doesn't really matter."

"But… how were they organized?" I asked baffled at the mess in my hands.

Shikaku and Hiruzen shared a glance.

"They're organized by subject, like that pile was mission reports. It doesn't matter which order they come in though," Hiruzen explained.

"That's all?" I asked, I had my suspicions but this was too much!

I look down at the reports and immediately a general formatting and layout starts to come to mind. This was horrendous! This flew in the face of everything I lived for: efficiency and logical systems of organization…

"Do you have better way?" Hiruzen asked.

"Yes," I respond immediately. Without really even thinking about it I continue, mostly muttering to myself, "Start with the forms themselves, you should have a template for these. Mission number and rank at top, with participating ninja up there too, an abstract or summary of mission before the full report oh, and there should be a multiple-choice section for mission type and rank… Need to sort them by rank, higher rank ones should be sorted and read first, and what about mission requests? Those should have a basic format too and…"

Suddenly, I notice how quiet the room got.

"Uhhh, sorry, that was a bit much," I say nervously, shuffling the papers back together neatly (repressing my urge to re-file the entire damn pile). I know I'm a bit weird about organization…

Instead of the usual look of apprehension and "you weirdo" vibes, Shikaku smiles.

"I think we found your talent," Hiruzen says.

"Paperwork?" I say, dumbfounded.

"You can be my personal assistant and be in charge of reorganizing the systems here for mission requests," the Hokage explains.

Soooo my superpower is my secretarial skills?

…

That's kinda sad.

…

Kinda perfect for me too… Which is _even more_ sad.

Oblivious to my self-deprecating thoughts, Shikaku turns to Hiruzen and says, "That's probably a bit to much to start with, Hokage-sama. Starting off as your personal assistant when Mika has barely adjusted to being here, let alone shinobi protocol, is a bit much. Plus the public attention on her would be too risky, especially with her cover being so new. She should start off as my assistant first. I'll teach her, and when she's ready we can see if she should be transferred."

Hiruzen frowns, but reluctantly nods. "You're right… But I can't help but think just want her to do your paperwork for you."

"Why would you think that, Hokage-sama? Perhaps the idea crossed your mind earlier?"

Excuse me? Is he implying that the Hokage is trying to sneak out of his work… and that he is too?

From the smirk on their faces I'm guessing that would be a yes.

I let out a smile, then a slight chuckle.

That's… really funny.

Maybe this job won't be so bad after all.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Sorry for the wait!

When I said my life got crazy last chapter... I meant it went bat-shit INSANE. It's hardly any less insane at the moment, but frankly if I don't suck it up and post now I'll never get back in the groove.

Not going to promise another quick update, but I'm going to promise to try (Yes, I know that's not much of a promise, and honestly _even_ _I_ find that to be a cop-out answer, at all but sadly it's the best I got). Sorry.

I'll repost this question (just incase you missed it last time and have an opinion on the matter)

**Potential love interests~** oo la la ;)

1) Hatake Kakashi (age 26)

2) Umino Iruka (age 22)

3) Genma Shiranui (age 29)

4) Uchiha Itachi (age 18)

5) [Insert character here]

If you didn't get the joke ^ (which, admittedly, was rather lame), you can suggest another one if you like.

I'm actually keeping track of you're responses too, though my methods for counting them up aren't exactly... normal. There's a lot of "HIM or maybe him, but not him please" which is hard to tally... Not that thats a bad thing! It's just a little complicated, but I completed calculus for god's sake so I got this.

**Reviews actually help me write... They're like strategically placed explosive tags on my writers block :)**


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